the hanging tree - billie eilish

therapy |3|

alexis's POV

"listen bro, i don't even need to be here. trust me." i try to convince the secretary. layla dragged me to a therapy appointment even though i literally had one five days ago. usually i have them every other week, not this close together. "alexis! great to see you" krissy greets me. "hey krissy" i wave with an obviously fake smile. "are you ready to come in?" she asks. "i guess so." i sigh, knowing there's no way out of this. "i'll be waiting right here the whole time okay?" layla tells me. "k" i respond dryly and follow krissy into her office.

i wouldn't really consider it an office though. it's just a small room with three couches. sure there's a desk but it's pressed against a wall.

i sit in the corner of the couch as she sits in one of the armchairs. i cross my legs and rest my elbow against the arm rest. "so alexis, tell me what's been going on" she orders in a calm tone. "same old same old man. still into chicks, repulsed by dicks. you know how it is" i answer. "alexis, obviously there's a reason layla called this emergency session." she gives me a look, showing me she knows there's something deeper. "okay damn" i put my hands up and let them fall back into my lap. "layla caught me climbing into my room through the window at 2 am. again." i shrug. "why were you on the roof alexis?" she asks. "i would lie, but you're my therapist so i guess i can't. i was gonna jump but then i thought hey, this roof isn't up that high. i wouldn't die, i'd just go back to the hospital." i explain.

this goes on for about an hour and i dread every second of it. i don't want to share everything i'm feeling with someone i don't really know. it's fuckin dumb. she knows a lot about me, yet i don't know anything about her. i know her name is krissy mandela, she used to live in utah so she's probably a mormon or at least she was and...... i think that's it. but she knows a lot of shit about me that no one else knows. considering i've came to this exact office one hundred and thirteen times in the past year, i'd say she knows me better than anyone. and i don't like that. that's fucking creepy if you think about it. a person you barely know, knowing almost every little aspect of your personality. fucking. creepy.

i get back out to the lobby and layla smiles at me, hoping it went well. i put my earbuds in and walk out the door to the car instead of responding with a smile. once i get into the car i unlock it through the driver's door because for some dumbass reason it doesn't lock, and lay down in backseat. i don't want to sit in the front because i know layla will try to talk to me and i'm not in the mood. i grab my sketchbook from it's previous place in my backpack on the ground and take the pencil out of the side rings. i open to a random page and start sketching the first thing that comes to mind.

layla gets in the car about five minutes later, she obviously talked to krissy but i could give a fuck. "you wanna get some food?" she offers. "taco bell." i answer, barely hearing what she said over the sound of my music. "so you can hear me?" she laughs a little. "only when it's about food." i answer, not looking away from my drawing. "alright." she sighs and pulls out of the parking lot. before i know it she's handing me a bag and my drink. i put the drink in the cup holder and the bag between my legs.

once we get home i immediately go to my room, ignoring everyone that greets me on my way. i shut the door and try to lock it. dad took the lock off of my door after last year's..... incident.

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flashback to last year

i pop the screen out of my window and look down at the ground through blurry eyes that are filled to the brim with tears. a few drip out and i sigh. i take one last look at my room and bite the inside of my lip. "fuck it." i laugh a little through the tears and step off the ledge.