The Tales Of Unrequited Love

I am dying to die

It must be quite something, a feeling like this… it is quite something.

Wanting someone for so long that in your head they were yours and with some twisted intervention they become yours but the universe just decides that no form of intervention, strong feeling, and lust, planning or begging will make them yours.

I wanted Jurian for so long I even overlooked that he loved someone else, I knew he never was mine but my yearning for him was so strong that I needed to have him anyway, I was selfish when it came to him, he was like a craving I desperately needed to satisfy, I was pregnant with emotions controlling me with its craving for someone who does not belong to me, but that is just how it
goes isn’t it? The tales of unrequited love.

I sit in my room and I continue to read the kind of love that keeps a man and as I go on I see how Tyler treats his girlfriend and though he loves her, his love is not enough, he may love her but he loves the money more…his girl knew it, he knew it yet she was willing to stay.

Why is it always like that? That we see it all but choose to stay? Is the decision to stay desperation driven? Lust driven? True love driven? Or just complete madness driven?

That is the one…I must be mad, I am pending mad. I know that Jurian does not care about me because yet he claimed that we are here to fix my finger he seems to have other agendas. I wish I knew what those agendas were and maybe a part of me wishes that he cares and that he is just following orders.

I swear he looked at me with so much love on our wedding day…part of me stops to think sometimes that he was just acting but how can someone’s eyes carry so much admiration and not be true? Or that is just how deceit works?

Huh? Yeah that is it…it is not what is seems but what it seems is what it looks like…our marriage for example.

I really hope everything goes well tomorrow and that we find the information that we are looking for.

#

“Okay write your choice of storyline that you want to follow and then put it in this box” Judith says as she hands out cue cards for us to write the choices we made for the storylines.

I want to choose Seek, but also the kind of love that keeps a man sounds about right…the original plan seems too dark for me and quite close to my heart…but then again aren’t they all?

I look at the cue card thinking of which one to choose, I read the book halfway so I am pretty familiar with it and I am rapt by it but also Seek should be interesting.

“I do not know why you are thinking…your loyalties should lie with your brother” Jurian says to me and I turn to give him a brief look, careful not to look at him too long to break my heart and not too short as to not get my message across, I am still mad at him for hollering at me about how fake our marriage is.

I then look at my paper again and then I fold it a bit so that Jurian does not see who I am voting for and then I choose to write Seek on the paper.

I then fold it and then I stand up and then Jurian grabs my hand
and then he puts his paper in my hand. I quickly walk off careful not to attend to what I am feeling currently and I just put our papers in the box and then I sit down again.

“We need to talk” He says and I just stare at the front waiting for everyone to finish voting.

“Okay since you won’t talk to me I will just have to talk to you…Liana why must you be like this? Why are you acting like you do not know that I love someone else?” he asks…is he for real? He wants to talk about this now?

“Fine, I will talk to you after class” I say and then Jeff slides across the seat next to me.

“No you won’t, we are going back to the basement” He says and Jurian seems to tense up a bit.