Random Self-Quarrells and arguments.

a deep blue

Will this feeling go away?
Am I feeling something new,
Or am I still so blue?
Indescribable
I'm on drugs that are no longer
inprescribable
Sorry I dont mean to babble
I've just been missing having someone to cuddle
My heart isnt in the gutter
It's just been dropped in a puddle
My butterflies
Ceasing to flutter
And my brain
Completely cluttered.
I m thinking all the time.
Sometimes its about if I'd like my toast buttered.
But most of the time
When my blinds
Are shuttered...
Its darkness.
Scenario after scenario
Popping into my dreadful
Dead head
Scaring myself
Beyond repair.
Tear after tear
No words may leave my mouth
If they had
They'd have been of despair.
People tell me to share
It's not that I'm scared to talk
It's that for you...
I care.
And no one
Should have to bear
What my mind comes up with.
I never took up the role of the sith,
Or prayed upon
The icon of sin.
But I've seen people close to me fall
And I've seen people morn
And I've seen people hate
And cry
And break.
I've seen blood and tears mixed into one
I've seen myself hold up a gun
I've seen people hold theirs too
These things fused into my eyelids as a reminder that I am never safe from myself.
And instead of caring for my health,
I hold it all back and smile at work to increase my wealth.
The world and my mind are pretty fucked up places, a lot of the time I wish neither even existed.