Well I'm depressed again so I figured I'd come back and do another. Why the fuck not.
I feel sick.... like my body is ready to implode. My head hurts, and the constant pain of my own failure picks at my motivation. No joy. No laughter. Happiness comes in bursts. Like an extra funny moment in a YouTube video... even then I can barely smile. I love my own dad for trying to help me through things in his own way. But instead of letting me work through things he tries to fix them for me. But fixing my problems while I'm in this situation is just going to add to the pressure building up inside.
No one knows but my anger is starting back up... at work I lost it and cussed at the top of my lungs and smashed boxes. I walked outside to breathe... aaaand kicked a big ass branch. instead of it moving a couple feet, a piece snapped off and smashed into one of the cars in the lot. I sat in the snow and cried. Then stood up suddenly and started beating the tree with what was left of the branch. I don't know what going on. Maybe it's that I expected to be somewhere else in life.
I didn't expect to barely pass high school.
I didn't expect to be abused by a family that wasn't even my own.
I didn't expect to give all my personal space away for someone.
I didn't expect depression.
Not the first time, not the second, not the third, and definitely not today.
I didn't expect to be putting myself down when everything says I should be pulling myself up.
Fucking what am I even DOING
YOU ARE READING
Random Self-Quarrells and arguments.
RandomRead it, don't read it, I don't care its only the voices inside my head.
