Random Self-Quarrells and arguments.

Nervous

I guess after what happened.... I just couldnt face you this morning. It did help that I didnt sleep at all last night so this morning I ended up with a massive headache.... crying doesnt help apparently. But I was nervous, and I still am because Im going to the ass we have together. And Im still gonna break my own heart doing it, but shes my world. And Id do anything to be part of hers. I wanna get to know her and I want her to get to know the real me. When I get home from school I talk with my mom about anything Im shaky or unsure about, then I help her with daycare till about quarter after 4pm. At that point Im usually depressed because nobody ever wants to be around me outside of school which is maybe why Im always so pushy for her and I to do something...  anyway, 4:15 ish I blast music matching to how Im feeling, and consume myself in gaming or Lego or a walk, maybe writing until about 5:30/supper. My siblings and I are so disorganized that my mom needed to make a weird complicated chart I can never understand for whos doing what chore and how many and what day and what time (lol). After thats all done we wait around for dad to get home from a long day of work to pray and eat with him. After supper well all pitch in to clean up and Oliver and Naomi get ready for bed. Mom and I either watch a sitcom 2 hours later or dad chooses a tv show. And he has this ongoing rep for finding the worst possible tv shows on netflix so its always exciting! Every now and then I need some alone time so instead I game with my music and head off to bed at 9:30. I stay up after that till about 1:30am at the latest and then sleep till 6am for school I meet carmen halfway to the bus stop the next morning and then its off to school where Im a whole different person. On weekends my older brother joshua comes down from kitchener and spends his time with us. Hes a 25 year old man with aspergers and 310 pounds. But he happens to have the kindest soul youll ever meet. We love him to death, recently we managed to help him get to college and get a job which are two very big steps for my big bro. My other older brother works in the same company as my dad and I; crs/sunbelt. His names jeff and hes living in collingwood working up there as of about a month ago. We all miss him on the daily and worry about him because well... we love him. Hmmm now about me... Im a teenage guy who loves to write, go to the gym, bike marathons, game, be social or be anti-social... Im better at the second. Um my sexual preference changes all the time... whether its after months, years or sometimes a day or two the majority of the time Im straight. Second is Pan I guess. Umm I like to drink... beer mostly. Sex life is kinda  blur, I brag about stuff Ive never done sometimes and honestly I could live the rest of my life without it. Ive done weed only a couple of times and Im not really sure whether I want to again tbh. I can talk about it like Im a pro tho... or a stoner or whatever. I like boobs over butt. Ive been bullied since 2nd or third grade. I have a friend named jesse who left me in 3rd grade to move to alberta and I still miss him. Lost contact with him after 8th grade... I share a room with my younger brother Oli. And my younger sister Nomers has a bunny wabbit named oreo cuz hes black and white. I make jokes about cooking him with Jeff because hes a hunter. I have two families that my family knows that are so close we call them aunts and uncles and cousins etc. My best friends are Cameron, Daniel, Thomas and Evan. I have been diagnosed with ADHD and ADD and have undiagnosed ocd. I have an IEP for my disorder(s) and Im proud to say my love life hasnt always gone the greatest because of it. I used to have a serious case of hyperactivity and fell in love with you closer to the end of it. I was so crazy about you even the smallest things you did for me were magical. I have a history of screwing things up... as you know. But I was persistent on calling you mine... hence the 8 rejections and b4 going out with Satan I could never maintain a relationship. I recently got a tv in my room and its big but I never use it, umm my closet is always a mess because I do 3 loads of laundry at the end of every week, I love reading too so I have lots of books. I collect swords and other blades. Normally I buy them from comicon in toronto. Ive always wanted to do a really good cosplay. I wanna be a landscaper in the future, and be a woodworking technician during the off-season. Im creative, Im short, I can be clingy, I fall real hard, I date for the long-run,  I have a good hardworking-ethical side, and Im good with kids even tho most of the time I dont like em. I can be loud and as youve said before Im short fused. I have undiagnosed depression and crippling stress. I have anxiety over stupid things and I worry and care about my S/O always. Same goes for you even though you arent mine. I dont know what else to say, my dad acts like hes tough and hard but vunerable on the inside and can be weird embarrassing and funloving. I only wear glasses cuz they shaped my face and Im afraid of wearing contacts. My worst fears are the black widow spider and heights... Im a little scared about death but Id take a bullet for anyone. I believe in God and Jesus and am Christian. Cancer has and will kill people in my family. Speaking of my family my dad has 7 sisters and one brother. Theyve all married and have had kids so.... big family. I love em all even tho some of us are distant towards certain people within our crazy family.

Now you know a little bit about me.
Hope your thingy turns out well and you have a fun time at the game.
Love,
Owen