Romangst || A Sanders Sides One-Shot Compilation

G'night

"maybe I should write Romangst shot." I say to myself. "Just a short one with a happy ending." 

"Maybe you should make everyone cry and trigger yourself by writing explicit self-harm instead," Says my brain demons.

So guess which one I did...

WARNINGS: Major character death, suicide, graphic self-harm, blood, food mentions, vomiting, rape, rape aftermath, lying, literally be fuckin' careful you guys don't read this if it'll trigger you alright??

Enjoy I guess

For as long as he could remember, Roman shared a room with his brother. The family had moved around a lot, but they always shared a room. Bunkbeds, when they were younger. Now they had one of the bigger rooms in the house, with a bed in opposite corners for each. It was hard to keep secrets when you shared your personal space with another person like that.

Luckily, Remus never seemed to care too much what he did. So Roman didn't have to try too incredibly hard to keep secrets. Remus had known he was gay months before Roman came out to their parents, and he hadn't cared at all. He'd known a lot of things about Roman, but not everything.

Roman had secrets. Several, but they all revolved around one. A big, dark, painful stain on his memories. Something that nobody knew. No one but Roman, and one other person...

He didn't even know their name.

God, he was so fucked up and no one could even tell.

"I'm an actor," Roman said cheerfully to the mirror, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm such a good actor, no one can even tell something's wrong!"

Remus was out with friends. Remus still had friends. Why was Remus better at getting friends than Roman was, anyway? He was crude and obnoxious. At least he was interesting. At least he wasn't a fucked up disaster of a human.

At least Remus didn't cut himself.

Roman looked away from the mirror, taking a shuddering breath as he finally turned his attention to the bleeding cuts on his shoulders and hips. Clean them. Bandage them. Hide them. He'd been doing it for months now.

Remus entered the room mere moments after Roman had hidden the bloody tissues and blades under his bed, bouncing cheerfully as he greeted him.

"Hey, brobro!"

"Hello, ratman." Roman sighed, flopping down onto his bed, relieved he'd put his shirt on before cleaning up the other evidence. He really didn't need Remus pretending to care about him right now.

"You should've come with us!" Remus said, tossing his shoes at the closet. "It's such a good movie, y'know! And you like D&D too, I thought-"

"Too late now." Roman pointed out, draping his arm over his eyes. True, Remus and his friends had invited Roman to go see Onward with them. Roman knew they didn't want him there, though. And it gave him a chance to be alone for a while.

"Well, we can watch it together some other time." Remus figured. "The main characters are bros, you know! It'll be like brother bear when we were kids!"

"Brother Bear is always gonna be awesome." Roman lifted his arm, peering suspiciously at his brother. "Why are you being nice to me?"

Remus hesitated, just long enough for Roman to panic and sit up, the cuts on his body burning with the movement. He usually lay and did nothing until they fully scabbed over, but he didn't really care about the pain. He liked it - it proved he was real.

"Remus!" Roman snapped, drawing Remus's eyes over to him. "What's going on?"

"I just... don't want you to think I hate you." Remus shrugged lightly. "I used to, but not anymore. Cuz I don't, right? It's just stupid sibling stuff, or puberty, or whatever."