Let's Hurt Tonight

59

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...

Harry

I'm in a much better mood the following day after Saturday Night Live. Botching my performance really upset me, more than I can even explain. I let my nerves and emotions get the better of me. Performing "Sign of the Times" live for the first time was something really special and nerve-wracking to me. My head was spinning throughout the entire performance with anxiety and I let it get to me, subconsciously.

I didn't want Amelia to see me in that vulnerable state. I was acting like a wounded puppy, and I knew that. But at the time I just wanted to be alone so I could feel anger and embarrassment towards myself. I wanted to be left to grieve by myself but Amelia wouldn't let me. I'd probably still be feeling sorry for myself if it wasn't for her.

I wonder how different my life would be without Amelia. I haven't known her long in the grand scheme of how long I have actually been alive, but she's changed me more than most other people I've come across in my life. She taught me that my initial version of perfection isn't perfect, but rather I'm drawn to the flaws and faults that make us human.

She makes me a better version of myself. Ever since we've met, specifically since we've been together, I'm happier and I love deeper. I've realized it's okay to have imperfections and to be vulnerable. My previous relationships left me self conscious about who I am and how I present myself. I thought I needed to behave a certain way or have a specific look to me but Amelia's helping me come out of my shell. I don't even think she knows that.

It's early in the evening when I make my way to Amelia's apartment. I was out all day with Jeff so she came back to her apartment for the night as to not sit alone in our hotel room all day. I didn't blame her for not wanting to stay there without me. If we had our own home together, it'd be different. But a hotel has an isolated feel to it since none of her belongings are here.

I press the button to the box on the building, ringing up to her apartment. It takes only a couple of seconds for someone to answer but when they do, it's not Amelia.

"Yeah?" I hear Shannon say.

"Hello Shannon. It's Harry," I say.

"Harry! I didn't know you'd be coming today."

"I got out of work earlier than expected and thought I'd stop by."

"Ah okay. Let me unlock the door."

The familiar buzzer sounds and I quickly open the door, scrunching up my nose when I enter the building. I'm not the biggest fan of this place. I suppose there's nothing wrong with it, but it's just not somewhere I would want to be. It's rundown and I don't like the idea of Amelia being here at night.

When I reach Amelia's apartment, I knock and am almost immediately greeted with Shannon's grinning face. I internally groan but fake a smile, nonetheless.

"Harry! It's good to see you," she tells me.

She gestures for me to walk in, which I do. Unfortunately, I don't see Amelia anywhere. I thought she'd answer the door or at least be out here.

"You too," I answer, my eyes wandering before I meet hers again. "Is Amelia here?"

Shannon looks at me funny, her smile faltering.

"What? You don't want to spend time with me?" she half-teases. 

I laugh, awkwardly. Suddenly I feel extremely uncomfortable, more so than I already am around Shannon.