Let's Hurt Tonight

58

Harry

"Shit, shit, shit," I mutter. 

I flip over the pillows on the couch in my Saturday Night Live dressing room, and pull out all the cushions, throwing them to the floor. Then I raid the small table on the opposite of the room, pulling out all the drawers and pushing everything off of the top of it. 

"Dammit!" I exclaim. 

I can't find it. I'm a bloody idiot. I never take it off. I don't know why I thought now was the time, especially with only a few minutes before the show starts. 

"Harry?" I hear Amelia's voice. 

I turn around from where I was bent over the desk and see her standing in the doorway, looking at me like I have 3 heads. 

"Hey, babe," I say. I smile awkwardly at her. 

She furrows her eyes in confusion as she looks at how distressed I am and how messy the room is. 

"What's wrong?" she asks.

She shuts the door and comes further into the room, standing right in front of me. I sigh and begin to feel my breathing become labored from anxiety. 

"Nothing, it's fine," I lie through gritted teeth. She raises her eyebrows at me. "I lost it," I whisper. 

"Lost what?" 

"The ring. I lost the ring you gave me," I tell her. I back away from her and grip my hair in my hands. It's stiff from hairspray and I for sure just ruined it just now. "I wear it every day and I took it off for one second and now I can't find it. I'm so stupid. I can't remember why I took it off or where I put it but it's gone and I need it." 

Amelia comes over to me and pulls my hands away from my head. She holds them in her own which forces me to look at her. 

"It's okay, Harry. It's just a ring," she tells me, calmly. 

"It's not just a ring," I say, my voice cracking. "You gave it to me. It's like - it's like you being there with me when I wear it." 

Amelia smiles and takes one of her hands out of mine to place on my cheek. 

"Harry, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You don't need a ring for me to be with you," she says, softly. "I'll be backstage the whole time with the band so you can visit when you're not busy and then I'm allowed to watch from the side when you perform. I'll be right there."

Although her words comfort me, I still feel guilty. How could I have been so foolish to lose something so special to me?

"I'm sorry," I tell her. 

Amelia laughs slightly and stands on her toes to press a kiss to my lips. 

"Don't be," she says when she pulls away. "We can look for it later, but you have to go on soon. Aren't you in the opening?" 

"For like two seconds-"

The door opens abruptly, revealing a grinning Mitch and Sarah. This is becoming a common theme for them, barging in on Amelia and I.

"Holy shit, this is amazing. I always dreamed of watching SNL but I never thought I'd get to perform. I know you're the star and all but still..." Mitch exclaims, walking into the room. His eyes trail around, looking at the huge mess I made. "Jesus, what happened? Actually, I don't want to know..."

"It wasn't that.." Amelia says, her face flushing.

My stomach turns, not at Mitch's comment, but at the thought of performing. Of course I love performing. It's something I enjoy and something I'm confident in, but I'm performing new songs to a world where I don't know if I'm accepted in yet.