How to break a heart

Only herself to blame

Of course this was going to happen. I'm not special. The 'love' he said he had for me was a lie. Why am I so stupid? Alexander never loved me. I'm just a bet. It hurts to think that I'm the one who made my sister cry. It aches to think that Eliza and John had to watch Alexander together with someone else. But it stings like a bullet to have your heart broken. Do you ever feel so on top of the world, it's like no one can hurt you? Be careful, because one day it'll all crash down and the hard truth will hit.

He said he loved me. He lied. He said he loved Eliza. He lied. Hercules said he loved Peggy. He lied.

How could I even think that Alexander felt that way about me? I'm not special. I'm not that adorable little klutz in the rom-com. I'm that stupid, selfish sister who falls for the wrong guy every time.

I wonder how Peggy is feeling? She's always been pretty feisty. But she loves Hercules so much and I can tell.

I knock on Peggy's door tentatively. Angelica you're the oldest sister. You don't cry. You stay strong no matter what you're feeling. Because it's all your fault and there's no one else to blame!

"Come in!" Peggy cries, surprisingly chirpy.

I walk in.

"Peggy? I thought you'd be a little more upset than this...."

Peggy looks up from her phone.

"What?"

"Well, you know... That thing with Hercules..."

"Is in the past." She finishes. "Alexander gave Hercules the bet money and he gave it to moi! I'm rich!"

"But they bet on our hearts!"

"But I love Hercules and he loves me. I can move past it. It's best not to get hung-up on the past."

She sees my expression and gets up.

"Angelica, you need Alexander and I know it. I can see it in your face. You're not going to let this get between you two, surely?"

Peggy can be so wise sometimes. But I wish it was that simple.

"Peggy, it's not that simple. He's dated so many girls. How can I be different? And knowing Eliza is heartbroken for no reason.... I can't go back and tell him it doesn't matter. That would be a lie."

She sighs.

"Angelica, for once think about you and only you. Eliza isn't in the equation right now."

"What? How can I not think about Eliza? She doesn't deserve any of this..."

The tears are coming.... No! Only babies cry! You're seventeen!

Then my eyes go wet and I try to wipe them away. But they carry on coming.

"Angelica.... Please don't cry."

Peggy reaches up and gives me a big hug. But it doesn't help.

"Peggy, I'm sorry. I'll leave...."

I run out of the room. Why? Why him? Why can I only make mistakes....

I lock the door and come stand in front of the mirror. The bathroom is clean. White. No mistakes. I wish life was like that.

Angelica, you're crying. Seriously? Life really isn't that bad. Stop being so dramatic!

I gaze into the mirror at those puffy red eyes. Get over it! He doesn't love you. Move on, you IDIOT! Think of Eliza! Think of what she is going through right now! Think of John. Think of what he has to deal with! Think of someone else for once...

They have problems, do they moan and cry about them? They both try to smile through the pain, so why can't you?!

The girl in the mirror won't stop crying. Her face is stained with tears. She's crying about a boy and it's all her fault. Why is she crying? She caused this. She has only herself to blame.