I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

52

I jumped out of the bed, my legs giving up underneath me and my knees hit the ground. I felt pain in my left shoulder as I hit the cupboard, but I couldn't care less. My hands flew up to my head and I tugged my hair in the enormous despair as I kept on shrilling.
I crawled up on my feet as fast as I could, in a hurry, even though there was nowhere to hurry to.
I ran, stomped around the room, unable to decide what to do, where to go, as I pulled my clothes, scratched my shin and hit everything which came in the way, screaming.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks in waves, I was sweating and my breath was loud and wheezy, so much that it scared me.
My heart was beating fast. I could feel it, I could hear it even through my yelling. It still hurt. Every single beat it made send pain throughout my whole body.
I let out a loud whimper, trowing myself into the corner, and I rubbed my face with my hands hard, so hard it hurt, but I couldn't stop. As well as I couldn't stop screaming.
My face was wet from sweat, tears and saliva, my hair was sticking to my burning skin. My voice was getting rougher and weaker because of my shouting. But I couldn't stop.
I was a complete wreck.
This was stressing me out. This was stressing me out too much, I couldn't take it. I just couldn't take it. I didn't want to take it. I just wanted it to be gone.

I was shaking. I held my hands in first to stop myself from hitting my face and body. Finally, finally, I stopped screaming. It wasn't because I made myself. Or because I was exhausted. Just because my body chose that was. As if I wasn't the master of my body anymore.
With wide eyes I stared at the table in the room. Despite the dark , I knew my jacket was on there. And my wallet was inside my jacket.

With a shriek I scrambled up from the ground flying over to the table, hitting it, nearly knocking it over. I didn't care. I just wanted the wallet.
Rapidly, with my trembling hands, I searched through all the pockets, until eventually I got it.
I stopped.
Was I ready?
I wasn't.
But I still did it.

I opened the wallet, and out fell the picture. That one picture out of the three. The two others disappeared. They fell behind the table and no one noticed. Or someone threw them out. Or anything else. It didn't matter. They're were gone. But this one, this one photo I took and his in my jacket, then placed it in my wallet to be sure I won't lose it, not fell down and landed on the table desk, with its image side facing upwards.

I gasped for air, tears filling eyes and my knees nearly gave up underneath me as I saw it.
There was Roger. My beautiful sweet Roger. My love. My one and only. My angel. My future. The love of my life.
My Roger who didn't love me.
I bursted into crying, my whole body trembling.
This photo was taken in the morning. In a hotel room where both Rog and I were staying. It was a picture of Rog, asleep, in the bedsheets as sun ratios were dancing on his face.
I remembered that perfectly. The night before he told me I was the best person in the world. That night I didn't have my nightmares. I sleeper the whole night peacefully. In the morning, he fell asleep after waking up again, and he was so beautiful I couldn't help but take a picture of him. I left him a love note as I went off to meet Freddie and Deaky. He ran after me in his pyjamas, jumping at my back and hugging me in the street, bringing me down to the ground. We laughed and kissed.

It was all so beautiful back then. Too good to be true. But it was all gone now. Because Roger didn't love me.
Maybe he never did.

I couldn't go further. I didn't have the strength. I didn't have the will.
This is the end.

I left him a note the last time. I will leave him a letter this time too.

I picked up a pen. My hands were shaking so much I barely managed to hold it.

I looked at the blank paper.

Just white. Blank. Nothing.
I could stop.
I couldn't.

I inhaled shakily, tears streaming down my cheeks as I started writing.

Dear Roger.
You are and always will be the love of my life. You made my life better in every possible way. You taught me what is happiness. You taught me what is laughter. You taught me what is love. And I thank you for that. I enjoyed every second I spent with you. Every day and every night. Every sunrise and every sunset. I remember it all. I remember this one sunrise. The one when this photo was taken. Do you remember it too? It was beautiful. As beautiful as every other sunrise with you. As every other second with you.
But end is set to those sunrises.
They were beautiful, but it's the end of them. You're gonna spend your sunrises with your love. I hope you find someone who you love and who loves you back, and hope you are happy together. I wish you all the best. You're gonna spend your sunrises with her or him. You're gonna spend your sunrises With your family. You're gonna spend your sunrises happy and in love.
I'm gonna spend my sunrise on the Northern City bridge. It's beautiful out there. Have you ever been there? The view is wonderful. The sunrise is wonderful. The only thing which could be better about it is you. If you would be there with me. But you won't. You won't be there.
I will be there alone, watching the sunrise
It's a beautiful end.
Thank you. Thank you for everything.
You are the love of my life
Brian

I cried. Tears were dripping down my face and some of them stained the paper.
Roger doesn't love me. He won't even read this. He will think it's stupid.
I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't take it.
I let out something in between a sob and a wail.

I left the letter on the table. Right next to the photo.

Then I left it all behind and headed towards the Northern Ciry Bridge.

Heya
There probably isn't any Northern City bridge in London but lEtS pRetEnd there is xd

DrAmA