I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

51

Roger's P.O.V.

"But I don't love you."
I couldn't get those words out of my mouth. I nearly didn't manage to say them. Why was I saying this. Why was I saying this?
My head was spinning madly, and I thought I might pass out. But through all my pain, nausea and hallucinations, I could see the expression and Brian's face. The shocked, terrified, hurting expression full of pain.
Tears ran down his cheeks. Usually, he would try to stop them or look away to hide them. Now he didn't. He didn't make a move. He just kept on staring at me in horror with those bid sad, disappointed, broken eyes. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it.
I gasped for air, trying to think of an appropriate thing to say. Something with which I could fix what I've said before. Something to make everything better. But nothing was enough.
"I'm sorry," I got out of myself, my voice trembling as I was at the edge of tears as well. Such an absurd thing to say. I was embarrassed of myself. Why was I crying?
I turned around on my heel and stormed out of the room, leaving Brian in silence behind. The backstage was floating past my eyes and I only let some air into my lungs when I finally left the building and walked out on the empty dark street.

So what now?
I was shaking. Was I just cold? Or was is something else? I was breathing heavily, I felt as if I couldn't fill my lungs enough, I was still hungry, desperate for more air- but I could never get enough. I wanted to cry. I felt the pain, clutching my heart, eating me from inside. I was choking on my sadness, frowning in my misery but no tears were coming. I just couldn't get it out. Was this my punishment?

I inhaled the last short shallow breath, before starting to walk on my weak shaky legs down the pavement.
Where was I heading? Where was I going? No idea.

Brian's P.O.V.

My heart hurts. It hurts, hurts so much. Making me shake. Every beat that it makes is a challenge for it and it is sending pain throughout my whole body. My heart is hurting, so bad that it's hard for me to breathe. I don't feel my body no more. It's just my heart. My heart in pain, crying, calling, screaming out silently to the world my frustration.

Two lights passed fast next to me. They were blinding me, giving me an headache. But they disappeared in just a second. Was that a car?

The sound of the door falling shut made me jerk myself. I turned around and stared at the closed door. I don't remember their cold handle in my hand. I reached out for the light switch, turning it on, the whole room filling with light immediately.
My hotel room. Our hotel room.
"Roger?" I weeped. I knew he wouldn't answer. He wasn't here.
"Roger?" I still tried again, getting more desperate, blood pounding in my head.
He wasn't here.
"Roger!" I shrieked, my knees shaking.
Why was I like this? He wasn't here. He wasn't here!
"Roger!" I screamed, falling on my knees, covering on the ground.
He doesn't love me!

Roger's P.O.V.

My legs were weak.
How long have I been walking?
No idea.
I looked up from the ground, the back of my neck hurt. I didn't recognize the streets I was walking though.

I noticed a figure standing alone underneath the light on the pavement.
Was it-?
"Nikol?" I called out to her, frowning. She stared at me for a second before recognizing me.
"Roger? Is that you?" She made a step towards me.
"Yeah."
"What are you doing here?"
"Just finished a show. Finished a tour," I brought my hand up to my head which out of the blue started hurting horridly.
"You should go," she said, and I could hear the panic in her voice as she looked around.
"What? Why. Are you waiting for someone?" I hardly managed to set out of myself. My head hurt as hell, I nearly couldn't think properly.
"You have to go, please," she pleaded, panic and fear in her voice rising.
"What is going on?"
"I am waiting for someone!" She shrieked.
"Who? Oh-" pain shot out of my head and ran through my whole body. My legs nearly gave up underneath me.
"Yes. Yes, my boyfriend. You have to go, now, please," she repeated, her voice quavering. "Are you alright? You look pale."
"Are you kidding me?" I couldn't believe my ears when I remembered what a piece of shit her boyfriend is. How dumb is this chick to be with him? My palms and forehead were sweating and I had to blink a few times in attempt to fix my vision which was getting worse. "You are still with him?!"
"Yes! Now get out! Roger please!"
"What the fuck man!"
"Please, he'll kill you! He-"
Before she could continue we heard a car engine approaching. A van turned into the street, roaring and headlights flashing bright.
"Oh no. Too late," Nikol whispered. "That's him."
My head started to spin. What she was saying seemed as if from far away sand blurry to me.
"Run!" Came a scream from her.
Was that on me?

The tires screeched and suddenly the car was standing in the pavement in front of us. All the doors opened and out hurled a hand of guys. It was dark. My head was spinning and vision was blurry. I noticed how sweat was dripping down my back and my breath got faster and shallower.
I remembered that one night.
The sound of his voice. The feel of his hot breath. The feet of his lips on my body.
I started to shake uncontrollably. I was panicking and a desperate whimper escaped my lips as I was able just to stand there and stare.

"Princess."
That was him. That was him. That voice.
No. No.
Why? Why is this happening?! No. No no. Please let me disappear. Please don't let this be true. Please. Please.
Why did I stay? Why didn't I run away?!
Princess.
I wanted to vomit.

"I really didn't expect you here."
I closed my eyes.
Please please please go away.
Please go away.
Why did I let this happen? Why do I always do such shit?!
"What are you doing here?" He kept on hissing as a snake. He was stepping towards me, I saw his fingers reaching for my face.
Oh no please no. Not again.
I was at the edge of crying.

"Stop it!" I heard Nicole shriek. Her voice was shaky, full of fear. She was terrified of this guy. "I am your girlfriend! We are together! And-"
"Shut up!" He scolded her sternly, turning back to me again.
"What does it matter what you're doing here huh? I'm pretty sure I know..." I saw his grin and his hand reaching for my face again.

Oh no. Oh god no. Please.
Brian. Brian I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I need you. Please. Please I'm so sorry. I don't mean to. I wish you were here now.
Why did I even do it?!
Brian will you forgive me? Please?!
I love you. And I will till the end of my life.
Please.

"I know you've came for more princess," his grin flowed in front of my eyes.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it anymore.
I was breathing heavily, shaking. My head was spinning and nausea overwhelming me.
I just couldn't get enough air. I was fighting for it, gasping but it was never enough.
I needed more air.
I quickly started to loose feel in my legs.
They started giving up underneath me and I was falling to the ground while my eyes were rolling to the back of my head and I couldn't see noting more than just back.

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