I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

45

Roger's P.O.V.

I found myself sitting on the ground by the toilet in the bathroom of my hotel room. Our hotel room actually. Mine, and Brian's. Brian. Oh god.

With a groan, I rubbed my eyes, leaning against the wall.
I don't remember how I got here. I don't remember what happened tonight. What time was it? What day it was? What city was this? I had no idea. And I couldn't care less.
All I knew for sure, was that something was terribly terribly wrong. Apart from horrid nausea, headache and rigor, I also felt the panic. Panic, fear, despair, guilt, anger all in one. I just couldn't remember why.

Brian wasn't here now. I didn't know where he was. He usually was with me. Where was he? Why was he gone? In the back of my head, I somehow knew I didn't want to see him right now. I didn't want to talk to him. Just thinking about him made the numerous negative feelings in me just grow bigger. Did something happen?

My mind was starting to sluggishly, but surely, clear out. I could remember small pieces of my stumbling trip back to the hotel. I realized it was the middle of the night. We were in London.
Suddenly I remembered everything, except tonight's evening.
Was it something I was trying to forget?

For the millionth time, I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and going back in my memories, trying to remember. With going back, my head started to spin, and shivers ran down my back, but I kept going.

My eyes shot open when it hit me. It all came back and my cheek started to burn again as if it was slapped just now. Brian slapped me. Brian slapped me. What the fuck?
Thoughts started flying rapidly around my brain, uncontrollably, panicky, confusedly.

Brian just went and hit me. He never did that. He was never like that. He would never hurt a living soul. And he just slapped me. How could he?
Then, he didn't even apologize. He didn't even listen. He just stormed out as a big stubborn baby. He can't just go slapping people and walk away! How could he do that?
He must have known the kiss want my fault! And if he just listened for a second, I could have explained it to him!
And t slap wasn't the worst he did. It was the look he gave me. The look he gave me when he found out, and realized I've taken drugs. The judgement, disappointment, disbelief and disgust in his eyes. I still felt this gaze of him on me. I guess I'll just never forget it.

I felt so offended. I was bubbling with rage, and my wounded pride was hurting. If he cared about me as much as he always claims, maybe he could have just listened! Maybe try to understand how I feel, maybe try to understand that it's hard for me! Maybe, with that big brain of his, try to understand that it wasn't my fault at all! Not just get offended as hell immediately and run off!
When I look at it, why was he even looking for me? I can't take care of myself! He's always babying me so much as if I was a damn child! I never asked him for help! If he's now struggling as much that he had to storm off, it's only his own fault! I never asked him to Care, I've never asked him to help!
No- he's not only babying me, he's manipulating me. I've never realized it! If he never took this control of me, judging what I did so much, I would have to be hiding and drinking in bathrooms as some kind of an animal. I wouldn't have to be so stressed out in him finding out. I could have never forgotten beer that one day. I could have never taken any drugs. So it's actually his fault!

It's his fault. He's been controlling me all the time. The stupid blabbers of his how he loved me so much- it all must have been a lie! He only used my love for him to manipulate me. All this is only his fault and he's mad at me?!

——————-

The sun was starting to go up, and the very first rays of sunshine were falling on the surface of earth when I heard the front door of our hotel room being slammed open.