The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 114, Rise

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

'  You must rise, y/n. Soon... Now.'  The conscience repeated, it's voice echoing in my mind.

The last word echoed in my mind, the clarity of the voice decreasing every time it repeated. " Rise?" I mumbled, lifting my head from its resting position on the cantina booth, ignoring the heavy throbbing pain in my skull. 

' You don't have much time left, young y/n. You have to rise. Rise now before it too late.' The voice insisted, like time was running out for me.

" Conscience, I- What is it you mean? Why now? Why are you so persistent on rising now? What do you even mean by that?" I pleaded to get answers, or any instruction or advice on what I had to do. If the conscience had tried to give me any direction to clear my path, it hadn't worked. I was confused, more than ever.

A void formed in my body, and I knew the conscience was gone, that was all it had to say to me, and now I was on my own once again, left to ponder on the words the conscience had told me, which had made no sense. How do I rise when I've fallen so low, and I can barely claw and crawl my way out? I lamented, closing my eyes and rubbing the palms of my hands against my forehead in circles.

My ears started pounding as the loud buzzing sound of all the talking and music in the cantina surfaced once more. " How do I concentrate with all this sound?" I lamented to myself, scooting as far as I could into the booth, as if to shield myself from the sound and the passerby. 

I huffed, almost angrily. But it was exactly that. I was infuriated at everything. At having to leave Kylo under the most heart aching conditions, at allegiant general Pryde for blasting at my Naboo star fighter with his star destroyer, at my bad luck of landing in Nal Hutta once again... I hated it. I despised the situation I had found myself in, and it made me furious to think I could've prevented ending up here: sitting in the booth of a crowded cantina located in a callous criminal city. 

To think I was in beautiful Lake Country early today, and now I'm in this junk of a planet. I sighed, trying not to breath in the gross smell of toxic fumes, sweat and alcohol that lingered in the humid and dense air too much. 

I sat up, resting my chin on the palms of my hands and started thinking, trying to block out the loud chattering all around me. The voice had a reason to tell me what it did. It had to. Rise... " Rise from the dark side? From the miserable situation I fell in?" I lamented to myself.

If only the conscience could be more specific... I sighed. Whenever I ask for answers, it always leaves, like it doesn't want to guide me when I need it the most, only when it wants to give me advice, it does... " But why do I have to rise now?!" I wanted to yell into the air, but instead, I whispered it in desperation, not wanting to catch any unwanted attention. I slumped back into the booth. Rise... To rise?

Wait a minute...

I shot my head up, straightening my back and slamming my hands onto the cantina booth, my senses alert. What if the conscience was being literal for once? What if it meant I really had to rise?  And not from the gloomy mood I have cast upon myself, or the dark side, what if it meant I had to rise physically? What if I have to stand up? I told myself as I slid down the bench of the booth and slowly stood up. " It's worth a try..."

I stood in front of the booth a little awkwardly, not knowing what to do next, now that I had risen like the voice had indicated. But what does it know? If I had interpreted the indication of the conscience correctly, I still don't understand why it would tell me to stand up? I sighed.

I started skimming the crowds, feeling instinct take over me, a little bit like letting my alter ego: the Crimson Hunter, take over my mind, as if I was looking for my bounty within the dense crowd of the Poison Pit. 

Suddenly, my eye caught a familiar face. One I had seen once before, but it had been enough to recognize it. It was the face of a bald man, very tall and mighty looking with thick scars on his face. " Bloody hell..." I muttered to myself as a sly smirk appeared on my face. " That's the man I had to hunt down, the one when I was set up, so Mithus Kothari could offer the Crimson Hunter to the Fist Order!" 

My heart lit up with hope and happiness. It wasn't a coincidence I had stood up and caught a glimpse at the man, it couldn't be, not with the bad luck I seemed to have. I closed my eyes and nodded slowly as a way of thanking the voice, for somehow having predicted I needed to rise. 

I know I say this a lot: but I'm not doubting you ever again! I mentally exclaimed, in hopes the voice inside my head could in any way receive the message.

When I opened my eyes again, the man wasn't where I had seen him, and I started to panic. Oh no! Where the hell is he?! I huffed, walking alongside the wall of the cantina so I could get a better view in different perspectives on the cantina.

I swear my eyes had never skimmed faces faster in my life, desperately trying to find the man that worked for Mithus Kothari, the man my conscience had wanted me to see, and maybe follow? I wouldn't know. 

I couldn't find the man from the corner where I stood, so I ventured inside the crowd, pushing my way through the multitude of people. It was gross to be surrounded by sweaty and drunk beings, but I tried to push away the thought, even if it was hard due to the smell, the horrible, nausea- causing aroma of all of Jiguuna I had tried to forget over the months. 

I had been looking all over the cantina for long minutes that seemed to pass painfully slow. I couldn't take the loudness and crowd of the Poison Pit, so I abandoned my search for the man and pushed my way outside, skidding towards an alley. 

I felt useless. As the Crimson Hunter or a Knight of Ren, I would've never let a ' target ' go so easily, without trying until I caught them, but I wasn't either of the two now. I have a feeling the conscience wanted me to see the man, maybe not catch him, but only glimpse at him. But why? I shook my head and massaged my temples with the palms of my hands, letting out a loud sigh. I had too much overthinking to do at the moment, and I wasn't mentally prepared to do so.

I stumbled back to the same booth of the cantina and slid to the far corner, resting my head on the wall, which was the only surface that brought a little bit of cold in all of the Poison Pit. I closed my eyes and breathed out heavily. 

I felt like my mind was going a little bit numb, and my joints began having a mild pain in them." This just keeps getting better and better." I huffed sarcastically and hopelessly.

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MEH. BAD CHAPTER.

Based on the title of it, I bet you all thought it was going to have something important or cool, but N O.

I had a writers block for this one, and I actually originally had an idea for the chapter, but I just couldn't find the words to use for it... Also, I was in a saddened mood while writing it, and I finished writing it at 1:02 am, which just didn't help with how grumpy I felt. 

How my professor says: sloppy mood, sloppy work... *Philosophy applied*

Anyhow, enough of my rambling. Hope you guys are doing better than me!!! Can't wait to publish what comes next, and I sure hope to assure you it will be better than this chapter!!!  (Or else I will yeet my computer across my room)

Best regards!

- Camille