The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 109, Scamper

/ First Person POV /

( Kylo's perspective )

She was running, and I was frozen in place. I was flooded by thoughts of what was happening at this instant. Y/n's words echoing inside my head. " I don't want to be part of the dark side, anymore Kylo." and " I love you, Kylo Ren, but I suppose you leave me with no choice. I'm sorry."  followed by her fainting footsteps on the marble floor. I was going through a trance of denial, loosing control over my own actions and thoughts. I couldn't move a muscle, I could barely breath enough air. 

My mind was battling my legs, telling- no, yelling at them to run after her, but they wouldn't move. I was calcified in my original position, but barely leaning on the marble counter of my private living quarters here in Naboo, like I was when y/n had decided to flee again. My eyes followed her, until y/n's figure was almost out of sight, and that's when my body decided to react. All my senses came to life in an instant, a surge of adrenaline running through all my body, with my mind set on one thing, one objective: y/n. 

I sprinted after her. Something I'd never done before: I never run after something, I always got what I wanted, but not anymore. All I want is for y/n to stay with me, to know she was safe, even if she wasn't, I needed to have her with me, so I could protect her from what was to come. But now too, she was running, she was leaving, but this time, I wouldn't let her go so easily. 

Since the day, on The Supremacy, when I had rebelled against my own master, using Rey to help me kill his guards, and only to think about my heavy heart I carried while fighting the Praetorian Guards, because y/n could've been one of them, it sickened me. Since that dreadful day I hadn't ran after her. I had let her leave the star dreadnought, I hadn't even flinched at the sound of her echoing steps further away from the throne room. It haunted me, to know I might've never seen her again, and it was my fault for not holding on to her, for not running after her. 

I wouldn't let that happen again. I could not allow myself to go through that pain again, and to let y/n deal with the difficulty of leaving, alone. Except now y/n was stronger than she had ever been before, she was independed, and she wasn't scared, she wouldn't be coming back, I knew that. Her mind was set on joining the light side. On the contrary: I was frightened. Scared of the thought this would be the last time y/n would ever leave, because she wouldn't come back. 

She didn't even get scared when I told her about the Emperor's plans, and how her leaving would interfere with them. She didn't care. Y/n would follow what she believes is right, even if it killed her by doing so. Her heart is in the right place, Kylo. I subconsciously told myself, sliding through each corridor of the Naboo headquarters. 

I despise this situation. I know that she hates it, too. I can sense the conflict in her when she said she had to leave. Y/n wants to get away from this life, but I know I'm holding her back, and that knowledge is destroying me. I hate to think that I'm the reason why y/n feels forced to stay with the First Order, even if that's what I want: for her to stay. I couldn't forgive myself if I forced her into an unhappy life.

" Y/n!" I called out, as she neared the gates of the building, I was loosing time, and time was priceless. 

My loud call and running caught the eye of bystanders: simple storm troopers, pilots, and generals in the hallways, but I couldn't care less. I gave no importance to the fact they were seeing their commander, their feared and coldhearted Supreme Leader, running after a girl, who to their eyes, is inferior to me. 

Y/n was more important to me than any of the First Order's opinion, but I still couldn't allow rumors and talks about me within the ranks, even if at the moment, I was only a fool running after the girl I cared so fondly about, I was still Kylo Ren, and forgetting that would be dangerous in these times. I shot death glances at everyone who looked my way, spreading fear through the inferiors. Even going too far, and force choking a pilot, who was staring at the scene a little too much. 

Shifting my attention back to y/n, I noticed she had gotten further away from me, and it was time to speed up, before it was too late. Being taller than her, it was easy to close the space between us, but alas, almost too late, y/n had diverted her route from the bronze gate, to the hangar.

" Y/n! Stop!" I pleaded, trying to make it sound like an order. 

She merely looked back at me, still running, with glassy and teary eyes. I knew that running after y/n made it more difficult for her to take the decision she had chosen, to leave, but I couldn't give up on her like I had done before, I wouldn't allow nor forgive myself. 

Y/n ran into the hangar, heading towards a small fleet of Naboo Starfighters. Smart girl, we won't be able to track her down if she leaves in one of those. I smiled in sadness to myself. Y/n had always found the smartest ways to do things, it's one of the things I love about her. 

Except she didn't know how to open the cockpit, which allowed me to near her, without her being able to run. This was it, my last chance to convince her to stay. Or my last time being in her soothing presence. 

" Y/n, please. I- We need to talk." I muttered, placing my hand on her shoulder, which immediately tensed at the touch. 

She turned around slowly, holding back tears and trying to look imposing and confident. I knew she could see the pain in my eyes as clear as I could see the pain in hers, and I wasn't going to hide what I felt anymore, not in front of her, who has always been there by me. 

" Stop, Kylo. Don't do this. I won't change my mind." She silently sobbed. " Can't you see, you're only making it more difficult?" 

" I know." I whispered, and pulled her into a tight embrace, wrapping my arms around her protectively. It had taken her by surprise, I could hear her accelerated heartbeat and her short breathing. 

" Where will you go?" I murmured in her ear, leaning my chin on her shoulder. 

" You know where." She muttered back, leaning her head on mine. " They're not there anymore, y/n." I informed her, and she backed away from the hug a little bit, looking at me with confused e/c eyes. " What?" She said, her eyebrows furrowing a little bit.

" They're not in D'Qar anymore. I don't know where they went, but don't look there." I told her, forcing my eyes to maintain the eye contact, even if they only wanted to drift away from her stare. 

" Why are you telling me this?" Y/n asked, shaking her head slightly. " Why are you helping me, Kylo? I'm leaving, I'm going against the First Order." 

Her repeating those words pained me to no end, but I knew what I had to do. I knew what was the right thing to do, even if I didn't like it. " You may be going against the Fist Order, y/n, but not against me." I said, taking her delicate hands in mine. " And I'm telling you this because I can't stand seeing you unhappily take a path that has been forced on you, because..." I stuttered. 

" Because I love you, y/n." 

------------------------------------------------------------------

YES. 

HE SAID IT, LADIES AND GENTS. KYLO SAID THE 'L' WORD.

This chapter is really floppy :C The online schooling has messed up my brain, I can't get used to the new schedule, so I apologize for the quality of work presented in chapter 109. YET I LOVE THE ENDING.

Now, I just feel cruel. REALLY cruel for making y/n leave Kylo now that he has confessed he loves her too, which we all knew, duh, but he hadn't said it. BUT OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE THIS FAR IN THE STORY. 

Soon enough, everyone who has seen TROS, will know exactly where in the timeline we are. It is nearing the end, and I am frightened to finish this story, but super excited to share it with all of you!

Stay safe and happy!

- Camille