After I fell

chapter 19> Pandora's box.

"Sanè I'm a fool for still loving you so much even in the face of everything"
She said as tears fell from her eyes.

"Look i love you too I'll change i promise"
I said and then it hit me she wasn't going to listen to anything i say. I already broke her. I already ruined every perfect thing we had together. Nothing no longer made meaning to her. Life was already meaningless at this point.

"I love you sanè"
She said as she jumped and i felt my soul leave my body and the sound her body made as it hit the ground was so loud that everything in the world went quiet. I watched her blood flow and all i could do was cry.

Keisha!!! Keisha!!!!!!
I kept yelling as i watched her bloody eyes look at me with so much sadness and filled with tears. This was all me! I killed her! I killed the only perfect meaning to my life.

*end of flashback*

Lia's POV.

"Are you okay lia?"
Mel said as i entered the room soaked in my own tears and guilt.

"No mel I'm not"
I replied as i cried as loudly as i wanted to .

I cried as i hard as i could. It was over. I couldn't understand. No. I didn't want to understand. I could never understand. Nothing made sense out of everything that happened. He broke her and sooner or later he was going to break me too. Sanè was a monster that i was too blind to see. I began to imagine how much she trusted him and how much she wanted him to be there with her. All he had to do was to lift her up and clothe her but instead he watched her pick pieces of herself all by herself.

"Lia at least say something to me"
Mel said sounding so concerned and worried about me.

"I just need to sleep mel"
I replied her trying to hide all the feelings that were overwhelming me.

"Alright let's talk tomorrow then"
She said and i gave in to all the crap i was feeling.

The morning looked like it was sad or something and as i opened my eyes it all came back to me the occurrence of two years ago and all i wanted to do was visit keisha and give her comfort the one she never got but the same time who am i to make such decisions. I mean I'm sanè new fling or new emotional experiment. God i don't even know what i want to do or what I'm.

*one new message from sanè *
Tomorrow is keisha's death anniversary and after two years i think I'm ready to face her. Lia I'm sorry for everything and i regret treating keisha that way and i will always regret it.

After reading the text i got from sanè, i blamed him less although yeah he was so goddam wrong. Hell! he was a monster for all her did to her but he lost someone he loved too. She may have dealt with all the pain while she was still alive but after she died he shouldered all of the hurt,guilt, pain and dissapointment. He endured life with the mindset that he had killed the only person who loved him for who he was. I'm not saying sanè is not a douche bag but i just think he's suffered enough and I'm sure keisha thinks so too.

* I'll come with you tomorrow just for keisha not you!*

I was prepared to go with sanè to see keisha but at the same time worried about if i made the right or wrong decisions. It's just alot of things going on and I'm so scared that i might be making a wrong decision.

"You ready?"
Sanè said as he grabbed the bouquets of flowers he had gotten for keisha.

"Yeah. She liked hibiscus?"
I asked and i could hear him sniffle and he looked so bad. Keisha really took a troll on him.

"Yeah let's go now"
He said as he started the car and drove off.

The car was silent but the graveyard was worse. As we entered i just imagined how many people lost their lives and how their loved ones must feel and all these thoughts just made me feel worse even more.

"Here she is"
I said as i signaled sanè that i already found her gravestone.

"Uhm yeah could you give me a minute"
He said and i just watched him from afar.

He was really broken. He cried and cried and cried till he couldn't anymore and he just laid down close to her and slept off. I wonder what he must have said to her but i really hope it gave him closure and he could live with himself from now on.

"Hey are you okay?"
I asked the already asleep sanè and i decided to use this opportunity to talk to keisha.

"Hey keisha. You may not know me but i really really hope you're happy now and you're doing things for you now. It's really sad how things ended but i really hope you're at peace now. sanè may not be able to get his peace now but slowly he'll get there and i believe you'll help him at every step of the way. Keisha i really hope you're happy"
I said to her gravestone as i really began to understand how it felt to lose someone and i don't ever want to feel that.

I just watched sanè sleep close to the gravestone as time passed by. He was really at peace.