After I fell

chapter 18> Digging out.

Finding someone to love us is one thing then finding someone or being able to make that same person love and still want us despite all our baggage and our past mistakes or decisions is a bigger challenge.

Sanè POV.

I see her face everywhere i turn. She's in my thoughts, in my vision, in my space. I can't help but go crazy and feel all sorts of hazy. The drugs hit and all i want is one more conversation with her. Just one more smile from her. Just one! Just one! It hits even more when i couldn't move my body and i had to watch her walk away from me. I just laid in the bed and watched her smile fade as i fell into deep sleep.
Even as i try to lift every part of my body to just be able to grab her hands, the anesthesia just kept me down and it was clear to me that she wasn't even there to begin with.
"Don't leave me keisha please"
I prayed she wouldn't go and i really hoped she wouldn't.

"Thank God you're okay sanè"
My mom said and finally broke the silence between us. To be honest i wasn't even in the right mind to have this conversation with her. All i wanted was to talk to lia about keisha before she goes on imagining things in her head.

"Yeah mom i was in surgery with lia out there on her own and you know my mom, my very own mother was too mad at me and was willing to be absent when i take my last breath"
I replied in a fit of rage.

"Sanè listen to me. I'm not mad at you. How could i have stood here and watch as the only source of my strength fights for his life"
She said as she burst into tears.

"I was right outside the hospital the whole time sanè and lia kept me update on how you were doing. I was right beside you the whole time. "
She said and i understood how she felt. My mom has known nothing but grief at every step of her life and whenever i broke down she was always there to lift me up and guide me through me dumb ass decisions.

"Mom I'm fine"
I replied signaling her to close in for a hug.

"Sanè I'm sorry for hurting you. I just want the very best for you"
She said as she pulled me in tighter.

"I love you mom and that's all that matters"
I replied and we both shared a smile.

"Mom she's in my head and i can't seem to forget her"
I said and she immediately pat my head in a way that made me feel so safe.

"Son she loved you up until her very last breath and you know she will always protect you"
My mom said and she was right.

Keisha was always going to be there even after her last breath and it was high time i came to terms to the fact that she was gone. She was really gone!

"Thanks mom."
I said and i hugged her.

"Well someone seems to have left me out"
Gigi said as she entered the ward to intrude on our hug.

"Never ever"
My mom replied her and hugged us both tighter.

"Sanè i did something i shouldn't have"
Gigi said and in my experiences with things gigi shouldn't have done they are always bad.

"What is it this time gigi"
I replied sounding so frustrated.

"I told lia about keisha"
She said and it was like she dropped a whole ass nuclear bomb on me.

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Lia's POV.

It's been two weeks since sanè got discharged from the hospital and we haven't really talked and to be honest i feel like he's been avoiding me and i can't help but think this has something to do with keisha.
Ever since i heard what happened, my curiousity level has been over the chats. So i decided toGoogle search the whole keisha thing and apparently she jumped off an uncompleted story building just five blocks away from sanè old house in new jersey and ever since i got that information i haven't been in the right frame of mind and it's been so hard to understand and digest the whole thing and i really needed to talk to sanè but at the same time didn't want to be inconsiderate and rash.