Beyond The Mud [MDZs]

Chapter 42

Journey of Cheng Mei

Isolation had been the closest thing to home for him. If he put effort and dug deep into the lane of his memories, he found a void, darkness and loneliness amidst the hollow thoughts.

Everything had always been wrapped up in the black. It didn't have any shape or form, just the color black.

They say that a child reflects the actions of its parents. But all he could remember was the dark vacuum slowly eating up fragments of his consciousness. He couldn't recall their touch, their warmth, figure, sound of their voices or even their names.

Soon he begun to believe that they were never there by his side. He had always been by himself.

He liked to believe that there was more to him than the empty cycle of obscurity.

Even when people ushered him to move away when he was lured by the smell of the sweets. Even when his fingers were under the cart, crushed like a piece of dry twig.

He realized too late, that the world didn't need him there. Even if he were to die. It would barely affect the lives of people around. After all, he was all alone in the streets of Kuizhou. Their lives didn't depend on him.

But being so young, he had no choice but to depend on someone.

And he did.

Though this time, he accepted the void in him instead of running from it. And when he accepted his real self, he felt the true freedom.

The dark was scary, but it was always his home.

The first person he decided to depend was a bastard like him. He had his own messed up origin, maybe worst than his own but the way older had been struggling, working hard and trying to move on despite the mocking of others around, made a flare in him to take seed.

He was sure that the person could light that up if he simply stayed by his side but the flare in the other person was simply for somebody else to light.

and his fake smile made the void only grow big. He realized that he could deal with anything, but not a fake smile. People had always showered him with hate or fear but never a smile. And that's why having it fake made something inside him churn.

That made him realize that he had been longing for a touch of warmth. 

He begun to believe that the flares are just there as an assurance to keep the dark lock inside. He made himself believe that the void could not be filled no matter how much you strive. Until he saw a pair. The two had broken pieces like him but they completed each other.

The flare in them was glowing so brightly that it made the boy burn in envy. Why could he not have the same kind of flare?

Moved by the spark of that blaze, he even prepared himself to live with the fake smile. It was closest to thing called affection for him. But later the source of that fake smile, cast him aside.

He was thrown into the wilderness of the world ready to be eaten. His only regret was to have the flicker of that flame in him, at least once.

How pathetic he thought to himself.

People with the void like him are tend to be alone. How could he let himself yearn for something; he knew wasn't going to happen?

Just when he was on the verge of being swallowed by the hollow in him. A light pulled him out . Or rather two lights.

It was the same flare, that sparkled so brightly. He was so blinded by it that he wanted that glimmer to disappear. Die down completely or vanished, for that gleam was for somebody else. He did his best to make that happen but what he didn't realize was the tiny spark begun to light in him.

He almost believed that he was dead. How could something so good happen to him?

But once you have tasted the freedom, you would never want to be caged.

Even though he didn't like their presence, but the little girl beside him was shielding him somehow. She spewed insults at him but he didn't find them hateful. In fact, he found them amusing. Was that how siblings react? He wouldn't know he never had one.

But Maybe with them the void could be filled now?

But once you drink wine from the Holy Grail, There's no way you would ever share.

The Greed in him wanted to extinguish that flare and light him up again, only for himself. But the other person didn't let his flame flicker, even by the strong wind. Even when he made the other person wipe the source of his light, it didn't die. They shared something he could only imagine from afar.

It was infuriating! He wanted to blow that flame and light a new.

He tried and tried and tried but it never extinguished. He should have focused on maintaining his own blaze because unexpectedly the void begun to grow.

Soon it was pitch black when he saw the source of his flare, slit his own throat.

He spent years collecting the ashes, probing for a way to bring it back. The more flames Jiangzai blew the more strongly the wind flew.

In the end, His home had always been the void.

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Sorry for Errors and thank you for reading.