kpop idol - me

chpt 31) txt comeback stage and bts concerts

24th october 2019

today txt were having their comeback stage. i was there with them though it all. soon had a few wardrobe issues , but we swiftly dealt with it. i watched every move and ensured they were ready. after the comeback stage , i left and went to the office where i helped record a few songs and finalised a new album that i was going to release. i stayed at the office doing some more work until 5pm, then i went to the SM building where i met lee soo man and sat with red velvet.  the red velvet members had already learnt the lyrics and notes for "psycho" , i was just there to finalise it and ensure that the recording for the song was perfect. i was hoping that this would be the boost into the international market for them , i dont make much profit apart from royalties and shares , but i genuinely want them to reach the success that they deserve.

26th october 2019

today was a bts concert , only three left.

the day was chaotic.there were pieces of equipment faulty.although i did find replacements for them , it was a preferred method. i had a headset on the entire time and i was dictating most things. me and the director were great partners , we would let each other control when necessary. the show was great , i didn't see the members much as they were performing and i was controlling music and stage movements. although occasionally i had to talk to them through the headset when they needed to do something. it was pretty chill , just stressful

27th october 2019

today was another concert . i was meant to be there all day

 i was supposed to be there from 6am till 12 pm. but i was called in for around 7pm , when the concert began which was beyond annoying. but it had to be done.i had a few meetings which ranged from planning for the music videos and buying pleads entertainment. i was stuck in meetings until 10 pm .only to be strapped to paper work.but once it reached 12pm , i was finally free of the paper and i went home.

28th october 2019

today was the last day of the concert for BTS. i had seen them early in the morning , they were all really emotional. today was just...sad. you know that feeling where you want to pause time and just restart the clock so you can go through the day because it is literally a perfect day and you never want to lose that feeling of happiness and relaxation....well thats what concert days are like. sad.i know.

but the concert did reach an end, they all began their 'speeches' and they began thanking fans and family and friends.then they mentioned me and the cameramen panned to me , and i was like flooding my face with tears. so i just tried to cover it up with the hat on my head. 

they got me sad too.

bruh.

once the last song began , i ran backstage.

once the fireworks began and they were under the stage , they were all crying and i just didn't know what to do. i just hugged them and helped them get over it.

before the fireworks ended , we had them leave for their safety. i was in a car with jungkook and we were just talking through the ride

me: sad right?

jungkook: concerts?

me: yeah , they are.

jungkook: doesn't it scare you? the fact that one day we will never perform ever again? the fact that one day we won't be BTS , but we will have been BTS? the fact that one day fans will forget about us? or that one day , no will care about us ? that we will be irrelevant?that we will be replaced by someone more popular?that - 

me: no. it doesn't scare me. it absolutely terrifies me and mortifies the living day lights out of me... i hate that. and it is why i am making sure that our names are ones that history will never forget. we will be legends and people who paved the way for others. people who lead others down a route previously seen as impossible. hyung. we are living dreams that others are killing their souls for because they are too afraid to leap into the uncertainty of following their dreams.

jungkook: what do you thing about fate?

me: well  , i wonder ...if success was a certainty , would you attempt to reach it?

we carried on talking through the night until we reach our homes , he was dropped off first . then i was dropped off. i had a security guard stay with me through the night , i have been lonely for a few weeks as my housekeeper has been with her son in america.

mrs kim is my housekeeper. i pay for her sons school in harvard , he is currently studying medicine there.she is a lovely lady  , she just has too stay with me in the house...thats all. she doesn't have to clean or cook or anything. she has her own room and can use her room and the first floor however she wants.all she cant do is to invite people over.but she herself has said that she doesn't like many people , so i dont really care.

30th october 2019 - 4th november 2019

i haven't done too much.either meetings , practising , recording , planning , booking , buying , renting , selling...i was just working. i haven't hung out with too many people. i would occasionally pop into hara unnies house to see how she was doing ...but she isn't getting better.

as for me , myself. i am getting worse too. my general mental well being is terrible and getting worse. but no one cares. and i am not going to talk to anyone...