kpop idol - me

chpt 29) seoul final days 2(the end of the tour)

for the past dew days...ever since ...well that, sulli's death, i have made sure that i stay with hara unnie whenever i can because  i know that she is going through so much right now.but aside from that , i was always practising , it hurts though...because , i want some time to myself but if i miss a planned day , everything is ruined.especially this year that my award show performances are so unique.

18th september 2019

 it is concert day today. the first of three. for the last three days , we haven't planned the fan meeting event and we don't have the event where we have a fan win a lottery to come onstage to ask em any question. we have soundcheck and the concert. although the concert is a bit more special.

i had soundcheck first and it was okay , apart from when i was onstage , everyone was quiet and would avoid me in respect of me mourning . i wore black all day and i had a black ribbon in respect for sulli unnie. even when i was performing , i knew that fans could tell that i was heartbroken.tabloids didn't prevent themselves from writing millions of articles to use me and sullies death as clout for more money....utterly disgraceful.

the covers i did today were really good too.

we decided to do three covers for the last few concerts as it would be better than having the fan come up especially with the recent news.

but then we got to the actual concert. i still had the ribbon on and i did look "happy" as usual for fans , well i tried anyway...until the last segment of the show. everyone knows it is the 'sad' segment where i sit on a swing and sing my 'sadder' songs. i got through two of the songs ...and then the last song got to me , my voice would occasionally crack and tears would stream down my cheek , but i would try everything not to show it until the last few lines of the song were just unsingable.she died okay...like her heart , her lungs, her brain is like...not...working.i did eventually finish the concert , although in utter devastation

19 september 2019

its the second day of the 'seoul final days' only two days left.last night i made hara unnie stay at mine , i was too worried she might do something , she hasn't been any better recently .although last night she looked much more confident and happy.last night , i also had a few calls from harry...i blocked him.maya may okay with getting with someones boyfriend , but i am not and whilst he is with her ...i am not even going to speak to him.ever.

soundcheck was okay and so was the concert .today we had three covers too .

the rest of the concert was good , same as yesterday to be honest ,the last segment just hurt a little less.i did cry to be honest , but this time the camera crew knew not to film me , and instead the audience. although fans did film me and i couldn't prevent that.