The Perfect Finish

Chapter Fifteen - A Letter

The letter came late at night, brought, apparently, by a stable boy and handed to the butler.

The butler brought it to Anna, his face wooden, since Mrs Cosgrove had already gone to bed.

It was addressed in black ink to 'Miss Anna Rosewood, Baron Street'. And in smaller letters below was written 'For her eyes only'.

Anna took it into her bedroom to read. From Roger Withand, the handwriting unraveling as he wrote. 

The paper was from a hotel. It bore a letterhead 'Rollins Traveler's Inn, for Gentlemen'.  

'Darling Anna,

I write to tell what should have been told weeks ago. And there is no excuse, but I could not bring myself to it before now. You will not understand, unless you accept that I love you, and I could not face the pain. I know it is not enough. I have acted poorly.

But you must learn the truth from me, before you learn it another way.

You may think this cowardly too. I would prefer to say these words to your face, but to do so would bring greater censure on us both. I am sure you will agree in the end.

So, dear Anna, my confession is as follows.

My father died six months ago. On his deathbed, he expressed a desire to see me wed to the daughter of his closest friend.

It was not my intention to marry so soon, but to ease his mind in those last days I agreed to court her. With her father's permission we saw each other frequently. I  dined regularly with her family, they visited my home just as often.  But I was not in love with her.

You once said that marriage is a business. I disagree now, I have learned much since the winter. But at the time I felt the same. I was not going to find love. I was very superior in my belief, that love is a fallacy for the lower classes. So when it was hinted - very gently, by her father - that my companion-by-arrangement believed our engagement a confirmed matter, I shrugged and accepted it as inevitable. The estate was not yet in my hands, so I came to London to set it right. To take possession of my property in order to formalize the engagement that had sneaked upon me.

And I met you!

The day we met, I knew you were perfect for me. The ideal companion. But we would not meet again, so not any kind of problem.

Except, of course, that Angus insisted I accompany him to Baron Street. And when I returned to my quarters that evening, you were all I could think of. All of that night and the following day, I thought of you. I came to the conclusion that you could not possibly be as perfect as I remembered. So I returned to Baron Street to see you again. To end the ridiculous hold you had over me.

I knew then that I could not part from you. So I wrote to my father's friend to explain. I waited for his response. For my freedom to speak to you.

But it has not turned that way. Instead, my father's friend - and his wife, and their daughter my fiance, came to London with great haste. You might imagine my shock, dear Anna! And I made my case yet again. I did not give your name. I did not hint at your identity in any way. I just told them that I loved another and could not proceed with the marriage. And I reminded them that I had not actually made a proposal.

Angus knows nothing of this. When he learned that my fiance was in town with her family, he obtained vouchers for Almack's. My fiance was indeed delighted, so we made the pretense.

I died a thousand deaths that night, my darling, to see you dancing and conversing so prettily, while I sat in such awkwardness with my fiance and her parents. And I dared not give myself away, but I think she might have developed some suspicion.

When we returned to our rooms, her father stated very bluntly that now is the time to announce the engagement. Over the last few days he has been very active, writing notices and drawing up terms. And my fiance has informed me, very clearly, that I am not to be released from the engagement.

It breaks my heart to inform you that my engagement notice will be placed in the gazettes in the morning. We shall not meet again, I will return to Essex very shortly. I am deeply sorry for any trouble this causes. Pray remember me fondly. And believe that I will never forget you.

Roger Withand."