Rivals 🌈 ✔

27 - Dead Heroes

After his words, a tense silence had fallen. Admitting that he considered something as more important than the club was dangerous, even when he knew his friend wouldn't run to the others to tell them. Therefore, he didn't regard Angel's silence as a threat; he understood that the man needed some time to realize how much Juice meant to him. 

"You gotta tell 'em," Angel said eventually. 

Raine sighed. It wasn't exactly something that had never crossed his mind before, but he had never really considered it. He was simply too scared. He might be an adult man, but he was still afraid to be banned from a life he loved. Even though Juice meant more to him — it didn't mean it was easy to give up everything else. Nor could he say for sure that they trusted him enough to let him leave the club. He still had access to a lot of inside information whilst he was together with the club's rival. There was even a voice in his head warning him that they might go as far as eliminating the threat. 

If Juice was no longer alive, the dilemma was solved as well. 

He felt ashamed about that fear, for he couldn't imagine that one of his brothers would want to inflict him so much pain. However, drastic measures had been carried out before. He couldn't completely let go of the fear. 

"Sooner or later they're gonna find out, Raine," Angel insisted. "If you think that Son is simply a fling, you should end it. If not — you gotta confess it to the others. Your honesty will be to your advantage, trust me. They will treat you harsher if they find out you kept a secret from them for years. Not trusting them won't increase their trust in you."

With a sigh, Raine leaned back. Angel was right. Deep inside he knew that being honest about his relationship was the best thing to do — and yet, the fear kept pushing away that thought. 

He knew it was weak to let the fear control him. But this was about the safety of a person who meant a lot to him. Someone he didn't want to lose. Someone he longed for, every moment of the day. 

Angel leaned into him, squeezing his shoulder. "You don't have to make a decision now. It will take a couple of weeks before you're back in Oakland anyway. Just think about it."

. . .

Raine thought about it. Every day, he was listing the pros and cons. The conclusion that kept coming back, was that he would lose Juice or the club. Something however told him he might lose both if he let it all play out, if someone would  discover his secret. Slowly he became convinced that it was better to confess it, to rely on the sympathy of his brothers. The moment he was back in Oakland and all this shit here in Santo Padre was over, he would tell the others. 

The intention created a bit more peacefulness in his mind — but not much. Every day, the doubt returned. It kept him from sleeping at night. Maybe he should discuss it with Juice first, but he didn't want to talk about it by phone. And it still remained to be seen when he would be able to see his boyfriend again. By now, he was here for a week. There had been some skirmishes with the Rosas Muertas MC, some new Mexican motorclub which wanted to expand across the border, crossing their territory. A request for a conversation had been done, but when a delegation of Mayans had been greeted with bullets when they wanted to sit down for a meeting, they had called for more back-up, so they could push that rivaling club back over the border. 

It however was less simple than it all sounded. Rumors were circulating that the new motorclub was working with some other Mexican gang who was also trying to expand its sphere of influence. If they would all ride out to chase away one group, they would leave their clubhouse vulnerable. And so, they were making serious preparations while other charters sent extra men. The fact that Rosas Muertas was a large club who probably gave every idiot a patch, gave them quite the manpower.