⚠️save me/i'm fine - yoonkook

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-very slight smut
-boyfriends yoonkook
-major angst
-death
-suicide
-depression
-self harm

❗️i'd advice you don't read if you're under the age of 15.

stay safe 💘 - EJ

bts were on top of the world.

sold out stadiums? check.
countless awards? check.
millions of fans? check.
severe depression? che- wait a minute...
that's not supposed to be there, right?..

right?

x

"baby, you need to take your pills"

"why should i? they do nothing, just make me feel dizzy" jungkook stated, looking up at yoongi - who was standing next to jungkook's bed.

"please honey, just take them for me then, i hate seeing you like this."

"we all do" added hoseok, as he walked into jungkook's bedroom, jungkook rolled his eyes - but still put the two small pink pills in his mouth, swallowing them without water, which made the other two grimace. (i do this lol and it freaks my friends out)

"well done kookie, you did well"

x

fucking idiot, if you cut any more. the fans will notice. then you are really fucked

don't listen to him - cutting is a good thing, makes you feel good. gives you a purpose.

so much was going on in jungkook's head.

so many thoughts, but no feelings.

he felt so empty, yet so full.

he was diagnosed with depression at age 16, one year after bts made their debut. he was now 21 and wasn't better in the slightest, unbeknownst to the other members...and the staff...and the fans...and his family...to everyone.

he cut himself, he was suicidal and he either took no pills or far too many. there was no in between.

he had a small ray of sunshine thought, and that ray of sunshine was min yoongi, his best friend and boyfriend.

of course he loved all the members, but no one made him feel the way yoongi did.

he was a feeling of warmth, he made him feel secure, made him feel safe, made him feel loved.

but that may not be enough.

x

"hey kook, have you ever thought about...yknow"

"thought about what hyung?" jungkook asked, genuinely not following yoongi.

"uhh like, doing it. like doing it it."

oh shit.

"like s-sex?!" jungkook squeaked

"well, yeah. we've been dating since you were seventeen and we uhh haven't like, done it yet. unless you did it before? or you cheated on m-"

"hyung, i'm still a virgin. don't worry" jungkook chuckled slightly. "anyway - continue"

yoongi took a breath and began again. "so, what do you say? i know i'm ready, i have been for years. and we used to do sexual stuff all the time - but we haven't for a while"

we haven't because i'm covered in cuts
thought jungkook.

crap crap crap.

what does he say now? of course he wants to have sex with yoongi, but he - he just can't.

"hyung, i would love to have sex with you, i'm just n-not ready-"

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