A woman who overcame herself

Hidden

I wipe the tears before they have a chance to fall

Threats

Abuse

Pain

Misery

Heartache

Hatred

Will I be forced to express anymore?

She uses you against me

I don't dare look at her

They say ignore her

That I'm better than her

Yet I'm still trying to push people away

I sit here and refuse to look at her

Because,

if I do?

I'll break into tears from what she throws at me

I'm barely surviving here

I get I only have so long left,

but I don't know if I'm strong enough to make it

I get you wanna help,

but I'm not good for you

You may think so

But I have too much damage done to me

Yes, I was a part of it

But the other part still rips me open

I try not to tell anyone of the nightmares

They'd look at me differently

Well, more than they already do

And I don't want that

But I won't take pills

I won't end up like him

I can't die like that

Every night they're in them

I can't tell what's easier

Being trapped watching the ones you love die,

or slowly break yourself down even more everyday

I wanna go back to some old habits

But then again,

I know I need to be stronger than that

Yet it's so fucking hard though

I-I'm slowly losing it once again

Barely eating, no sleep, endless nightmares

I thought I was doing better

I try so hard for you and them

But I don't know if it's good enough for myself though

And I think that's what's killing me even more now