As follows:
Stage One: The #Binkay Challenge
Our lovely next door neighbor has this cat named Binkay who hisses at anyone she doesn't like, and she doesn't like people that much. Except for me, she loves me. She alternates between barely tolerating and hating my wife, but me she loves - I told Maine that the cat reminds me of some of so-called "fans" who says they love me but hates the love of my life, what I find laughable is that they don't understand that love of my life always wins - eerily she said the same thing, her so called "fans" din who hates me. But who cares? Hahaha! Like I said, love of life always wins. But I digress. This challenge will be strictly supervised by #Binkay, my neighbor and the village security and it is very simple, the boy (from now on The Suitor) and Binkay will stand three meters apart from each other and if #Binkay doesn't hiss at you, jumps at you and doesn't aim to scratch your face out, then good for you, we can then move to Stage Two.
Stage Two: Staring competition with #TheUncles
My princess has 4 adult uncles who, eventhough she hasn't been born yet, absolutely dotes on her. And they are also in complete agreement with this plan. The suitor will have to compete with #TheUncles on a staring competition where the one that blinks first loses. In the case that the suitor beats all #TheUncles, he can move to Stage Three.
Addendum to Stage Two: In 13 years time, there may be more uncles added and I will graciously and wholeheartedly accommodate them for inclusion in this challenge.
Stage Three: The #LoloEffect
My princess also has two strict blood grandfathers and five more grandfathers though by virtue and not by blood, loves her just as much if not more. All seven of them have bigger than life personalities. Trust me, I know. One is in politics, one also writes for the newspapers and one has a Mayor for a son. They will set their own challenges. You must pass every single one them so we can move on to stage Four.
Stage Four: The #Globie and #Summer Walkabout
The suitor will have to walk #Globie and #Summer every morning at 6am and every night at 9pm, for 4 weeks, missing one day or arriving late will result in elimination. That is, if #Globie and #Summer doesn't eat you alive first. If by chance, #Globie and #Summer happens to like you, (doesn't happen very often) are properly walked, including regular visits to #Lexi and #Kaiser (their best friends), and successfully avoided encounters with #Binkay, (Globie and Binkay are not fond of each other. Binkay loves Summer - girls really) then the suitor will have unlocked all four stages, moving on to ME (now known as the DAD).
The suitor will sit down with me (the DAD), in a dark room with one single light bulb in one table, where I will ask 100 questions and he must answer truthfully and fast. Failing in one answer question will result in elimination. It's worth mentioning that this DAD is highly trained by none other than Mr. Boy Abunda who practically invented this fast talk. So you better be real good.
After, the suitor will have earned the right to take my baby girl on a date. The first 6 months I will personally join in on the same table. The wife too. Then the next 6 months I will begrudgingly move to the next table. If the wife (also known as the MOM) decides to still stay at the same table even after the first 6 months is up, I will not stop her. I love her too much (and value my life) to do just that. Then the next six months thereafter I may not be at the next table but I will still be in the same vicinity where I can guarantee the suitor that I will be able to see every single move you make like I'm also right there on the same table. That's a promise.
There you go. Easy right? A walk in the park. If you really want my baby girl.
#BeautifulWife (the MOM) will think I am crazy once she reads this and may not want to be part of this plan. I guess she is not as modern a parent she thinks she is. I love you always Mahal, think about this long and hard and you will see that I'm right.
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