Superimposed

39

***PANIC ATTACK TRIGGER WARNING***

"Here he is, my little TV star" Lisa cheered, clapping her hands as she danced over to the table Taron was sat at.

"Mum!" He laughed, standing up to give her a big hug - a longer one than normal and when they pulled away Lisa looked at him worriedly.
"What's wrong?" She furrowed her eyebrows, sitting down quickly but never taking her eyes off her son.
Taron just smiled lovingly, "I just had some bad news - the kind that makes you appreciate your parents" He explained, picking up the drinks menu.
"Like what?" Lizzie questioned, still staring at Taron.

The cafe was relatively quiet with only a few locals sitting alone with a cup of coffee and their laptops. It was as if they treated this place as their own office. Most of them were business people, self-employed entrepreneurs making their own money and Taron couldn't help but admire people like that. Nothing he'll ever do as an actor will be completely off his own back. They'll always be a huge team of people around that basically do everything for him; all he does is perform - a sheltered kind of career he felt. But these people were doing things completely for themselves; he'd watch them as they were glued to the screen, furiously typing or intricately designing something.

"Belle called me yesterday whilst I was at the studio, her parents were killed in a car crash" Taron sighed, he didn't know how else to say it other than to just come out with it. Which is what he did and he watched as Lisa's face dropped.
"Seriously?" She gasped loudly
"I just don't know what to do, how to help her - I've never had anything like that happen, all I can do is just be there. But I don't think that's enough, but what else am I supposed to do? I can't bring them back and it's such a shit situation. She's still living in the house with all of their stuff there and I'm worried about leaving her there alone but it's all I can do. I've got my own stuff to do, the people at the studio need me there, but I want to be here. But I can't be two places at once I can't-"
"Breathe! You're getting yourself worked up"
"I can't-" Taron took a huge breathe in, exhaling heavily and slouching back in his chair, "I just can't deal with everything it's like-" He stopped to catch his breath again and that's when Lisa stood up quickly
"C'mon, let's go outside for some fresh air" She practically dragged her panicking son out of the cafe and onto the street.
Taron leant against the wall, trying so hard to pull himself together because he was very aware that his mum had never seen him like this before. She knew he had problems, but she'd never seen him suffer with them in front of her own eyes. Lisa was a very observant mother, she could see the struggle Taron was suffering probably before he even could. That's why she got him the help he needed before he even knew he needed it.

"Everything's okay, you're doing amazing love. You don't give yourself enough credit" Lisa reeled off compliments, but watching Taron carefully as his chest rose and fell with every heave of breath he took.
"I'm fine it's jus-" Taron stopped to catch his breath again, he could barely speak a few words without it feeling like he'd run a marathon.
His eyes darted around the street, everything was so loud. He put his hands behind his head and paced around for a second, but that only made everything worse. All he could do was walk backwards and forwards as he felt waves of nausea come over him, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and the way his legs felt weak. His head was spinning from the lack of oxygen and he could do nothing about it. The thoughts he'd just voiced going around in his head so fast he could hardly concentrate on one, but he couldn't slow them down. Instead, he leant back against the wall, hitting his head against the bricks in frustration as if physically hitting his head would shake it back into reality. 

"Hey, don't do that you'll hurt yourself, look at me Taron"
Taron's eyes shot to Lisa's worried ones, he watched her as she exaggerated her breathing, trying desperately for him to follow suit.
"You're fine, there's nothing wrong. You're doing so well" She continued with the compliments and soon Taron did calm down, his breathing got better and he let out a sigh in exhaustion.
"I just feel like I'm not good enough - I'm not being there for Belle and I'm not going to do the best I can when I go back tomorrow because I'll be thinking about her and how I'm not there. But I can't perform well if I'm worrying about her, but I can't not do well because if I do shit they won't have me back to do anything else which I can't afford to do because I want to do this so bad. I want to be an actor, but I also want to be a good boyfriend and I can't do both"
"At the same time" Lisa finished his sentence, "You literally cannot do both at the same time and no one is expecting you to Taron, you're the only one expecting yourself to do both"

"But I have to do both" Taron mumbled, looking out at the street that a minute ago seemed like a warzone, yet now all he sees is normal people doing normal things. Everyone is calm, yet his heart was still pounding out of his chest as he thought some more about what he'd just said.
"You don't and you can't. You're honestly doing so well, you just need to learn how to balance everything. You've never had a serious relationship and you've never had a serious career. Now you have both and it seems too overwhelming, but it won't in time. You need to give yourself time to adjust and you shouldn't beat yourself up about needing more time" Lisa stressed, trying to get through to Taron that what he was feeling was normal.
"I don't have time, I need to be able to do this stuff now - I can't afford to not be able to. I don't want to lose Belle and I don't want to lose my job"
"And you won't, you need to take a step back from both and realise that"
Taron smiled awkwardly, realising that he had nothing else to say back to the logic his mum just gave him.
"Now let's get a coffee," Lisa said smugly, knowing that she'd beaten her son's anxious mind.