Open Case File [COMPLETED]

Moving In

As she stood there, Donovan slid his arms around her waist, pulling her to him.

"It's strange," she said. "Even with the papers signed and filed it doesn't feel like our apartment."

Donovan kissed her neck, then shoulder.

"Well then why don't we break it in?" he said, his breath warm on her skin.

For a heartbeat, Carter hesitated, something coiling in her chest. Though it was barely noticeable, Donovan stopped kissing her, his hold tightening.

"What is it?" he asked.

Carter spun around and laced her arms around his neck, hating that her body had betrayed a fraction of her thoughts. This was not a night to give in to them.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "Let's break it in."

She kissed him, her fingers snaking into his hair. Before she could go further, Donovan disentangled himself from her.

"No no no," he said. "This is our first night, in our first apartment, I'm not having you lie to me. What's going on?"

Carter settled her hands on her hips as if something in the stance could contradict the niggling feelings growing in her chest. Donovan narrowed his eyes at her.

"What's going on?" he asked. He brushed a thumb over her cheek, the caress comforting. "Carter, there is nothing you could say that would make me feel any different about you." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "So what's going on?"

Carter took in a breath and let it out slowly, drawing in her strength.

"I'm terrified," she said, her voice controlled as if that could downplay the truth of her words.

Donovan waited, letting the silence encourage her to continue. It worked.

"This is so much of what I've always wanted." She placed a hand on his chest. "I have you and I never want to lose you. And yet..." She took in another breath as if it would calm the emotions that had gnawed at her for years. "I'm scared that somehow we will end up like my parents and I will lose all of this. I will lose you."

Instead of jumping in right away to reassure her, Donovan was quiet, taking it all in. It was his lack of quick encouragement that made Carter feel as if he was fully understanding the weight of her past and the history she was afraid to repeat.

"I understand," he said. "But I also know that we've taken steps to not repeat what happened." He cupped her face. "We waited, got married, then moved in together. Already our story is different. I know you're scared, but you don't have to be. I have no intention of ever losing you no matter what we might face."

There was a certainty in his voice that said he would dive into the depths of hell to save her if need be. She let out another breath, letting his words soothe the fears. Though as they retreated Carter could feel them hiding away for another day.

She rested her forehead against Donovan's.

"Will I ever get past these fears?" she whispered.

Donovan laced his fingers with hers.

"They might never go away," he said. "They are a part of how you came to be. But I believe with time they lose their strength."

Carter closed her eyes, willing it to be true.

"I'm a mess," she said.

Donovan traced circles on the back of her hand.

"Yes," Donovan said. "But I like that you are a mess."