Hope Out the Window

What Happened Last Night

Once I brushed my teeth again, I still felt rather nauseous, so I laid down on the couch. I draped my good arm over my eyes and sat in the silence. Soon there was barking coming from outside. The front door opened and giggles filled the room. Jim ran into my lap, "Hey buddy." I gently pet him, still covering my eyes, then he jumped off me.

"Oh sorry, Tyler." Josh whispered when he got in the living room with Debby.

"It's all good." My voice was rough.

"You don't sound good." Debby frowned. I felt a weight push down the couch cushion beside me. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." I chuckled lightly. "I don't remember anything, I feel awful, but I forgot for awhile. Which I guess is what I wanted. Never again though."

"Good. You were a whole different person last night." Josh said in not quite a whisper, but not his regular volume either.

"Really? I don't remember much after finishing my third drink." I sat up, still squinting my eyes from the sun.

"Here." Debby got up from beside me and closed the curtains so it wasn't so bright.

"Thanks." I relaxed my face as Josh started talking.

"Well, for starters you told me my hair was fabulous." We all laughed a little.

"So I'm funny when I'm drunk?"

"Somewhat." Debby sighed with a smile.

"You're also very expressive. In every emotion you feel." They both started laughing.

"Oh gosh. What did I do?" I sat back.

"I don't think Jenna is angry at you at all anymore because when you got home man," Josh and Debby started laughing uncontrollably. Once Josh was almost fully composed he began talking with a giggle interrupted every once in awhile, "So in the car you passed out. Like you were out cold sleeping. I figured you wouldn't wake up again so I didn't even try. When we got home I opened your door and you woke up when I did. I helped you get to the house to which you kept saying, 'stop I'm a strong independent man who doesn't need a man.' All the way to the front door. Jenna opened the door for us and you literally started complimenting her non stop. Over and over you would just talk about how 'her eyes looked like oceans' and how 'her hair looked like gold'. She was flattered."

"Well that was sweet of me." I chuckled.

"That's not even the best part, you started asking her if she was dating anyone and she told you that you were married to her, and you flipped out. I mean you were crying because of how thankful you were to have her. Which was really sweet, but hilarious to watch. But then you guys actually got it on which was a bit awkward for me and Debby so we went out for ice cream." Josh finished his story.

"Really?" I was super surprised, "She would have sex with me when I wouldn't even remember it." I joked.

"Yeah, she was into it. All those hormones, man." Josh shook his head.

"Well the more you know." I shrugged, "Kinda sucks that I don't remember it though."

"Oh yeah, for sure.  But I think she mostly just wanted to get even with you for getting drunk." Debby said.

"She would." I chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't know what you did after that because I wasn't here."

"Speaking of that, do you know where Jenna went?"

"Um no actually," Josh looked at Debby, confused, "do you know, babe?"

"I think she said something about getting groceries." Debby seemed unsure still.

"That's weird. We just went to the store last weekend." I frowned.

"She'll probably be home soon." Josh smiled.

"Yeah." I mumbled under my breath.

"Hey, perk back up. We haven't seen you this happy for a week. I miss it." Josh sighed.

"Sorry." I felt all the sadness start creeping back into my mind. I laid back down on the couch. He's gone.

I zoned out, into my own thoughts, not paying any attention to my surroundings.

"Tyler." Jenna repeated herself.

"Love." I smiled and opened my eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"How are you really feeling?" She started playing with my hair.

"Like I missed you, and that I'm sorry for last night."

"It's okay." She giggled a little, "You made up for it."

"I heard." I laughed lightly.

"I called Doctor Thomas."

"Why?"

"Because you need to talk about this with him, you know you do." She kept her smile, but there was a hint of sadness behind it.

"When?"

"Tomorrow, eleven o'clock."

"Okay."

"Hopefully you get your sling off next week and you won't need physical therapy. Then you can record more music." The thought made me more than happy. I could be back at doing the thing I loved most in a week. "That's exciting."

"Yeah." I smiled. "I think I'm going to go back to our room, lay down for awhile." I got up.

"Tyler, maybe write something? Play something? Don't just lay down with your thoughts." Jenna still spoke softly, her voice was usually soft, but not like this, this was like she was talking to a child.

"Okay. Will you come too? We can talk." I offered.

"I'd like that." I helped her up and we went to our room.

"How are you feeling, love?"

"I'm okay. I'm more tired than usual, and grieving still, obviously. But I'm okay."

"Good. I'm sorry I haven't been the best husband lately."

"Hey, don't say that. You are all I ever could've asked for. In sickness and in health. You're sick. You're hurting. And I will be here through it."

"Thank you." I kissed her hand.

We talked forever. Mostly about the baby. Names. Things we needed to get. Things we needed to plan. We were excited. We talked until late into the night, we fell asleep and woke up to Jenna's alarm the next morning.

"It's already ten, sweet. We need to get up." She got out of bed and started getting ready. I admired her from the bed, "Come on." She laughed.

"Sorry, I'm looking at my gorgeous wife." I winked at her and got up, gave her a kiss, then got ready.

"We are leaving." Jenna told Josh who was sat with his dog on the couch.

"Alright, open up, Ty. Talk to them." He said kindly. He didn't like forcing me to do things, but he knew I needed this.

"I will." We left the house and Jenna drove us to our destination.

I spent most of the time deciding how open I needed to be. It's best for my wife if I'm totally honest. It's best for me if I'm totally honest. I went into the building by myself, I told Jenna I didn't need her to come in. I've done this before, walk in, sign the paper, wait for your name to be called. Listen to only the ticking of the clock. The pristine white walls surrounding me on all four sides. One wall with a white door. One wall with the glass door leading outside. One wall with an opening for the receptionist.

tic tic tic

The ticking drive me crazy. I forgot to bring my headphones to drowned it out. "Tyler Joseph?" A familiar voice said. I sighed and stood up, plastered on my fake smile, and walked to the door.

"Hi doctor Thomas."
____________________________________

SORRY IM BAD AT WRITING ABOUT HAPPY THINGS BUT IM TRYING

~ peteywentzy