My Aegyo Love

Eleventh Aegyo

As the instructor explains the lecture, my mind can be seen flying to who knows where. Sighing, I decided to play with my eraser to pass time. I don't have the heart to listen to the lesson and even if I did....L would just appear in my thoughts again. I'll be honest, I'm still QUITE affected about my newly found feelings for him. I can't even tell if this is a fan's admiration anymore. All I know is that I'm thinking about L too much!!!

Weird much?      

I slumped down on my table, good thing I'm situated at the back so the instructor wouldn't see me lazing around. Jean raised a brow at my actions and continued listening to the lecture. I wonder if she's experiencing the same confusion as me, or did she experienced it before? It seems like she's not affected at all. She'd probably think I'm crazy for being so obsessed over my bias, if I did tell her. You're just a fan and how are you sure if this is true love? When class was dismissed for lunch, Jean approached me with her bag slung on her shoulder.

" You know you've been acting weird since morning. " She said, waiting for me to fix my things. Typical of her for being observant.

" Really? I never knew... " I trailed off while the other only sighed.

" Care to talk about it? " She asked as the two of us exited the room. I could only slump my body in response. " Seriously Blythe if this is home sickness, then mon dieu you've been living in Korea for a couple weeks now!!! "

" It's not that. " I replied back. Should I tell her? But if I remain silent then she'll probe some more before I spill the beans. Here goes nothing....    

" Jean, you know... " I started. " I've been feeling weird lately. "

" Got a flu or something? " She asked. I pulled her towards the courtyard ( not many people are there during lunch time and it's the perfect place to tell her my " predicament " ). We decided to sit underneath a random tree.

" You do know that L and I text each other at night, right? " My companion snickered and elbowed me. I only glared at her before continuing my story. " These days I....start to feel this weird feeling in my stomach....like becoming all chummy inside. I always anticipate his texts and when he compliments me, it feels like I'm the happiest girl in the world!!! I don't know why Jean but it's so strange. Even just through texting, a warm feeling would creep up my chest. If there are female artists becoming too close to L, may it be music videos or dramas, I always get hurt and jealous...I have butterflies in my stomach whenever I wait for his replies, thinking that maybe my messages are too straight forward or boring or something and then... "

" ....You like L? " My eyes widenned at her blunt reply. My cheeks suddenly burned red as I look away.

" I actually thought of that but... " My eyes reverted back to her. " How am I sure that this is love? I'm just a fan and he's my idol still...it's just so confusing and it hurts... "

We were plunged in silence afterwards. Could I really love L? I've only known him for a short time and we've been texting each other for a couple of weeks now. He's my idol and I'm just a fan and yet....How do you really know if this is love? What if I only mistook it as such, but it seemed otherwise....

The passion is just too strong.      

I have experienced falling for someone before. But neither gave me the same feeling as this. I always thought it was obsession, but it's not. If I'm really obsessed, then I could've stalked and texted L multiple times now non-stop. I could have abused my chances of knowing him personally. But all I did is to wait for him, patiently, every night for his text messages. As we communicate with one another, it feels as if there's this link between us. A link so strong that it can never be broken. The more we text, the more the link strengthens. Sometimes I feel so shy replying back, for what if I say nonsense things. But there's the link....

" Here I thought I was the only one... " I was cut off from my thoughts when Jean spoke. I turned to see a forlorn smile on her face. " You know Blythe, I'm also feeling the same thing.... "

My eyes widenned at that. Jean too....     

" When he started texting me, at first it was alright but it became too much that I suddenly became pissed, for he tells the nonsense things. So I sometimes don't reply back, though there are times that I did. " She suddenly looked up at the sky. " When he started calling me everyday, well, I felt that my privacy is being intruded, for I sometimes want to have a moment just for myself. But as each days passed, I started to enjoy our conversations. I wait for his random messages and when he did send one, happiness surge from within me. Him telling about his day is like getting to know him even more....what time he ate, where he went, how hard practice is...I learned a lot. Even more when he called me. How he laughs, how smooth and soft his voice is....I just started falling even more... " 

Jean suddenly faced me. " Before I knew it, I fell for him....I fell for Woohyun. Just like you, I also become hurt and envious everytime female artists become too close to him. How I anticipate his messages and calls. How I become a stuttering mess everytime I reply back, thinking that I may have said nonsense things.....when he compliments me I feel like I'm the happiest girl alive...it all makes sense now... "

" Because we're in love... " I continued.

" But we're not even sure if this is true love. " She said. " Like what you said, we're only fans and they're our idols... "

" Even so the passion is strong!!! " I bit my lip. " A link has formed between us...so strong that it can never be broken... "

" A bond...sometimes you don't fall for their looks but their inner beauty....their attitude....the inside does counts rather than the physical attribute. " She breathed out before smiling sadly at me. " Good thing Woohyun isn't up for any meet ups, or else the both of us would flip if he does planned one. "

" Agreed. " I mirrored her smile. " Still, we've fallen hard for the other... "

" Indeed so... " Jean sighed.

We headed straight to the cafeteria where the others are waiting for us. Even if I realized now that what I'm feeling for L is love, sometimes I can't help but waver. For it might only be admiration for one's idol. Still, the emotion is so strong. So strong that you've formed a bond with the other....wanting to spend time with him....to be there for him....to always be by his side at all times....maybe it is love....

....But one problem is that the other might not love you back....