Without You I Got Nothing To Lose

Chapter Nineteen

"I got sunshineeeee, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outsideeeee, I got the month of May," Beyonce sung along with her grandmother as they made breakfast.

They both looked at each other and at the same time sung, "Well I guess youuuu'd say, what can make me feel this wayyyyy? My girllllll."

Beyonce laughed and flipped the pancake on the griddle.

"Oh Bumblebee, it is so nice having you here," said Agnez. 

"I know Grandma, I needed this trip badly. I missed y'all too much," said Beyonce softly.

Her grandmother looked up at her as she wiped the counter top before placing the rag down. 

"Is everything okay child?"

Beyonce sighed, "Yeah Grandma, why do you ask?"

"Well you're always a positive person, but you just seem a little different that's all."

"I'm just stressed Grandma. I'm so used to working and I haven't had a job in a few months. It's hard for me to feel stagnant I guess," she said as she shrugged. 

"How do you think I felt when I retired? I worked my whole life. Ever since I was a baby they had me out there working. And then boom, all of a sudden I'm s'posed to stay inside and cook and clean and water some damn plants," said Agnez.

Beyonce laughed, "Well how did you get over the boredom? I can't handle staying inside all day and waiting for Shawn to get home to have some company." 

"Well I just started doing activities, hobbies that I enjoy. But my situation is a little different baby.  I put in my time. I clocked out a long time ago. You're just in this temporary phase of not knowing where to go or what to do next. It's good that you have that man coming home to you, but don't you forget how you were raised. You don't wait around for a man.  You hear me? It's okay to take a few months or maybe even a year to figure yourself out. Not many people are fortunate enough to take a year off and not even work a part-time job. But you gotta be doing it for yourself, not for anyone else," said Agnez.

"No I know... Shawn isn't like that at all. We've talked about this several times and he supports me no matter what. If I was to be working he'd support me and he supports me taking this time off now," said Beyonce. 

"Well that's good. But if this is what is truly bothering you Bumblebee, you cannot let this eat you alive. I know it bothers you because ya actually give a damn about ya life, but in the long run this is merely a blimp in your life. And you'll be glad you took some time to stop and smell the damn roses, ya hear me?"

"I hear ya Grandma. Thank you for talking to me though, I try to not overthink it, but sometimes I can't help it," said Beyonce. 

"I know I know. Your mother was the same way. Just remember, it wouldn't bother you so much if you didn't really care. Now come here and give me a hug. I don't want you worrying too much. You're so young, live your life while you can. While you ain't got no kids," said Agnez as she wrapped her arms around her granddaughter. 

Beyonce laughed at the last part and nodded her head to agree with her. 

"So what you wanna do today Grandma?"

They released the hug and went back to what they were doing before.

"Well, your great Uncle Willie is having a lil' cookout at his house later, I think everyone would love to see you. But other than that, I have a doctors appointment at eleven and a pilates class at twelve, and I think your mama wants to come to that as well. So basically, y'all can do whatever you like during those hours and maybe we'll just reconnect later on? Maybe you could show Shawn around the city," said Agnez.