High school really sucks. A lot.
Every thing I dreaded ever happening to me has. And the first nine weeks aren't even over yet.
And honestly, what do I do about all these high school girls?
How do I compete with that?
Its honestly become clear that I can't.
God. This hurts. I'd give almost anything to go back to middle school where my biggest problems were making sure my mom didn't freak about my boyfriend And worrying that my homework isn't done.
Never in a million years did I think that some of the crap that has happened to me would.
Ugh. Pain. Severe emotional pain.
Does it ever stop????
I need it to. A lot.
Or maybe I could become one of those people that don't give a shit? I already act like that on the outside.
If I can just get the inside to match, I'll be good.
Maybe I can even become one of those completely emotionless people that just kinda roll through life.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Like those people that become a shell of who they were.
I want to be one of them. They seem at peace.
No feelings=no pain.
I want that so much. It would be such a relief from all the pain I feel every day. I have to hide it behind a smile.
Its hard to do that.
I understand what happened, and I'm not mad. But that doesn't mean I'm not crushed.
It just hurts so bad.
Maybe I'm just weak? Maybe I just need to get over it?
I don't know.
All I do know is that I'd rather feel like an emotionless zombie than how I feel every day.
Every time I see someone happy in a relationship, holding hands, hugging someone, its like an actual kick in the ribs.
Its leaves me gasping for breath and fighting back tears/ I remember when that was me. Feeling bad for the person in pain from a breakup.
But now I'm that person. I didn't even understand how they felt until now.
Living everyday in excruciating pain and trying to act like you don't care. Like it doesn't hurt.
I may not be mad and I may understand, but that doesn't make it any easier.
And honestly, it hurts when their cousin wants you more than them.
I've had 3 guys ask me our, but I can't date again. No way. Not this soon.
I feel pressured to find someone new, but I can't. I can't pretend that I like someone new.
I can't let them try an fail to fit the broken shard of my heart back together.
I don't even know if it can be put back together.. Can you put a shattered price if glass back together?
-Angie
