Bounded To You (Eternity)

Chapter 39 - Regret

CHAPTER 39: REGRET 

Breeze swept by, cold as it blew, stinging Noah's skin as he sat on the ground outside his balcony. As usual, he had no power or will to do anything else. The pain in his chest never subsiding, making him pray for a way to overcome it, to have his life return to the one he once had. His eyes moved from the sky above him, covered in thick clouds that shielded the sun from view, to the book in front of him.

A diary, one given to him by Leon so long ago in hopes of it easing his pain. He had never needed it more than he did then, as he was unable to speak his feelings any longer, or even his thoughts. It was his only solace in his miserable existence.

Opening it, he brought the feather pen he had set to the side to its pages after dipping it in the liquid ink filling a small jar, which was placed next to him. The book in his hand was more than a diary to him, it was a letter book, one he wrote in whenever he missed his Lucius, and whenever it became too much for him to handle. His words always addressed to the one he cherished most.

My love,

It has been hours since I last wrote to you. One may think it is not much time to be wanting to write the weight on my heart away, but it is still too heavy for me to bare. I can't speak anymore, as there are no words that could bring you back to me, so why bother, why do something that has no consequence to myself or others? I can't even think properly, as every thought running through my mind is plagued by one constant: You.

Even writing this is difficult... I keep getting the ink on the page smudged with the tears that I can't hold back. It is so hard, harder than I thought it would be, living without you...

It is not your fault, and I do not blame you, but it doesn't stop me from feeling so broken hearted, so alone and miserable. I miss having you by my side. I know that it is a line I constantly repeat. If I went back and counted the number of times I had written that, it might just be too much for one book to hold. But it does not make it any more bearable to be without you. As much as I hope it would ease the torture of my soul, it does not. My heart aches for nothing more than to hold you. Cherish you. Love you. I want you back in my life...

It is so hard, Lu. So hard to be here without you. Knowing that there is a chance of losing you again once I get you back. It is torture to sit here, knowing that you are out there somewhere, not knowing who I am, living a life away from me. But I know that you are alive, and that is what matters to me. It doesn't mean that I don't miss you every second of every day.

I keep telling myself that it is what is best for you. That you being close to me will make you an easy target for the bastard who keeps robbing me of you. But even now I fear for your life, my love. I don't know how to sate my worry, and I am sure I won't be able to until I have you with me once more.

My love, I miss you. I am sitting here trying to feel again, as the sky has turned black with the dark clouds that cover it, and the wind is ruffling the trees loudly as it whips through them, and yet, I feel nothing but this hollow in my soul where I once held you close. Ren tells me its cold outside, and that I should stay in, but this place, Lu, it is overseeing our lake. I keep coming here to see the beauty that is you, my memories helping me remember a time when we were happy, when I held you and kissed you, when you told me you loved me... a time, when I had you...

"Noah?" Lorena's voice came from inside the room, followed by her soon appearing in the balcony door, wearing a frown as she said, "Brother, you will catch a cold. Get inside, it looks like it is about to pour." She said, walking outside towards him.