commentary crew oneshots

small cuts

ship: george x james
trigger warning! stay safe x

the water is almost filled to the brim so george turns it off, silence taking over now. he lately took off his clothes, avoiding the mirror. once fully clothed, george stepped into the tun full of warm water, sitting down in the middle.

hugging his legs, george stared into the clear bath water. as he sat there, his mind was completely empty. there was nothing on his mind, not any type of emotion whatsoever. george felt... numb. it was an overused adjective but it was the only one to fully describe how he felt.

for the past month and a half, george felt amazing. everything was was going great in his personal life and even in youtube, which was a surprise. he hadn't had a single episode. but all of a sudden george felt so emotionless.

george sat in the tub for almost 2 hours, doing absolutely nothing. halfway through he moved so he was laying down, mouth submerged in. soon he realised just how long he had been there, and finally began to properly bathe. the way he cleaned himself was as if he was a robot, a lifeless robot.

once he got out george changed into sweats and a random tee, he laid down on his side. george stared at his door , finally beginning to think, but it wasn't anything good. he thought about how his thoughts used to be, back when he was suicidal.

almost everyday george was thinking of ways to end it all. pills, slitting wrists, hanging, starvation etc. he just felt so helpless. and in those times, his boyfriend was absolutely no help. george's boyfriend would constantly ridicule him, calling him so many unpleasant things.

in those times he truly thought suicide was his only way to escape, because he wouldn't let george leave the relationship at all.

when his 'boyfriend' wasn't home, george would sob his broken heart out, slotting his own wrists. never did anyone question the sleeves or the relationship, because his friends thought they were happy. lots of couples 'ghost' their friends, that's what they thought was happening. 

george was completely alone.

everything was falling apart. his upload schedule was a mess and george was hurting any spot on his body he could easily hide. george just wanted to die, wanted to end this horrible fucking life of his.

and he was going to.

one day, during an emotional breakdown, george grabbed a bottle of pills from his cupboard. he sat on his couch and decided to not leave a note, then downing all the pills in the bottle and drinking water.

george survived, because james found him before it was too late.

and now, almost 4 months later, george was getting up from his bed. it wasn't until now that he realised tears were streaming down his face. these memories were triggering something. that something being his suicidal thoughts from back then.  george stumbled into the bathroom, grabbing the blade he had never thrown away.

george sat on the floor up against the tub, grabbing his phone from his pocket. he didn't remember what he did on his phone, but soon he was putting it down on the floor.

he pressed the blade to his scarred skin.

goodbye.

-

oleade hekp mw jamrs

james stared at his phone for a minute, his eyebrows furrowed and a confused expression displayed on his face. he tried to think of reasons why george would be sending him such a badly written message.

the possibility of george being drunk was unlikely. he swore to never drink, seeing how it affected his old boyfriend. so what could it be, james thought. there wasn't many possibilities, except a very scary one.