commentary crew oneshots

anger

trigger warning! stay safe x
ship: will x george

seeing him fall away emotionally was the hardest thing for me. seeing the love of your life in such a horrible emotional state is always hard, no matter what. to me, it made me feel hatred. hatred towards the world, towards god, towards everything anything and nothing.

the only good days he had were with me, which did make me feel as if i was doing something right. we'd do anything, lay around and talk, or go out and forget about life. every time was a good time. even the times we cried, especially those times. it's good to cry, good to let out all these bottled emotions.

he wasn't the only one broken, i too was too shattered mentally that there were pieces missing. meaning i'd never be fixed again. never fully. my childhood wasn't easy, but i never like to fully think about it.

sitting here now, i can't help but be so.. angry. i've never been sad, no that shows weakness. everyone said i had anger issues, maybe i do. i can't seem to let out my past troubles in any other way than hatred. it's unhealthy, but it's too late to try and change anything.

he was sent to rehab last week, his parents found out that he was using. i'm glad in a way, i never liked drugs. don't like dating a guy who wants to kill himself with thinks like drugs or smoking. but i'm scared- no terrified.

terrified that without him here, without our hugs and cuddling or out emotional conversations, i'll lose my mind. he helps me not be so angry. just thinking about something wrong boils my insides.

he doesn't deserve the way he's treated. such terrible and unloving parents, bullied at school, and banned from his own religion for being gay. truly angers me.

as i sit here on my bed, i can feel myself getting mad. i don't have my fucking boyfriend because they sent him away. sent away my baby boy and now i might lose my shit.

that's it, i can't take this. somehow i need to relieve my anger. i stand up, making my way to my kitchen. my knuckles are white from clenching them so tightly. the pain feels good, self inflicted pain.

that gives me a dark, dark idea. in the kitchen i open up my drawer, pulling out something that i shouldn't be holding. i look down to my wrist.

i've never harmed myself, never knew people who self harm- other than drug users. my anger came and hit me like a bus, and this caused me to hold the end with both hands and stab the knife into my stomach.

blood started to flow out of my body and i began to cough up blood. i let go of the knife but it stayed in my stomach. then it all sank in, i'm going to die.

i limp over to my room and grab some paper and a pen.

'george, my beautiful baby boy. i'm so sorry i did this. please get better. i love you, so so much. have everything i own, i don't care. love you baby, goodbye.'

me body collapsed down next to my desk. i looked at my stomach. my head was spinning and i felt so empty. slowly, i pulled the knife out and cried out in pain, more blood oozing out.

i closed my eyes, holding the knife next to me. everything was getting lighter, but there wasn't a light coming into vision. what's it like to die? i guess i'll find out.

i just wish i could see my boy once more. one day, one day we'll be reunited.