Survivor

52| Statements and Affirmations

After my shower, Caralyn was eager to help me get ready to go downstairs. I told her that I could get ready myself, and that the guys didn't care how I looked, but she insisted. I didn't put up too much of a fight, however, because in all honesty I was excited for the guys to see me made up and looking pretty.

She had picked out a white, lace body suit that was tight and off the shoulder, along with a pair of jeans. She had forgotten that I wouldn't be able to squeeze my cast into the cute jeans and went back to looking through the clothes she brought for me. She didn't really account for my injury, but eventually she pulled out a blue, floral, short-sleeve sundress. It was cute, and it hung nicely over my hips. It was just long enough to not be considered slutty, although the back cut lower into a V.

"God Cass. You really do look beautiful," Caralyn gushed as she placed the piece of hair she just curled down onto my shoulder.

I flinched as the heat from my curl initially burnt my skin before cooling off. "Thank you Caralyn. I appreciate you helping me get ready."

"Hey, what are sisters for," she smiled and picked up another piece of my hair to curl, "but Cassie... you know you can talk to me right? About anything? I could tell that you were kind of censoring your experience before when you were telling our entire family about what happened to you, but it's just me now."

I took a deep breath. "I know Caralyn, and thank you. I was holding back a little bit. Truthfully, I wasn't lying when I said that it really wasn't all bad out there; the guys and I had some really good times and they were always there for me. But, with the good came a lot of pain too. For example, the initial crash was horrible. I will probably be scared of flying the rest of my life because of that. I met some amazing people before getting on that plane that didn't make it; and I sometimes feel like I can still hear the screams of the passengers as the plane went down or feel the blood pooling around my body from people who died on impact." I shuddered hard as I disclosed the details to my sister. It felt good to talk with her about this and once I started I felt I had to tell her everything. I even continued on and shared the details about how Wayde had touched me, and every other horrific detail I left out for the sake of my family.

Caralyn paused curling my hair to stand in front of me as she spoke. "Jesus Cassie... I honestly can't even imagine how horrible that must have been. I am so sorry. How did you not completely fall apart?"

I couldn't help but smile just a little as I answered, "Jake. I stayed strong for Jake and for the rest of the guys. Although don't get me wrong, I definitely had my fair share of meltdowns, but they were there for me when I did."

Caralyn smiled back. "He's great for you Cassie. I can tell how much he loves you and you love him. After everything you told me before you left about your past, and then what those sicko's recently just did to you; you deserve someone like him to protect you and love you the way you should be loved."

I could feel my doubts and insecurities fading away with Caralyn's words. "That means a lot that you say that. I guess since I've been back I've been so nervous that Jake is going to realize just how out of my league he is. I was a damsel in distress and he was there for me, but now, I'm just me. I'm just an average girl living an average life and I'm afraid he's going to see that there's really nothing special about me."

Caralyn's eyes went wide at my words and for a minute I thought she was going to burn me with the curling wand she was holding. "Is that really how you see yourself? That is so messed up Cassie. I've always been jealous of you. You never saw your own worth, but you are an amazing person! You're pretty and caring, and you always put the needs of others before yourself. Don't ever doubt what Jake sees in you. I will admit he is one hell of a man, but that just means you may have finally met someone good enough to be with you."