Survivor

54| Home Sweet Home

Several weeks had gone by since our last night in the hotel, and if I'm going to be honest, it was not an easy adjustment to get back to normal. Jake and I FaceTimed often, and we also had a group Snapchat with myself and all the guys, but it wasn't the same, and it wouldn't be the same again.

However, a lot had happened since our tearful goodbye. I arrived back to Spring Valley where I spent my first week and a half. I was still a little shaken and feeling just overall strange returning to my old life, so I wanted some time with my family. Emma was no longer in Spring Valley, but she did make a trip home for the weekend to see me.

We laughed, we cried, and we drank TONS of red wine. She listened to every single part of my story and I swear she felt every emotion I did as I explained. It felt so good to be back with one of my best girl friends. After spending so much time with only guys, I had almost forgotten how great it felt to have girl friends I could count on. I could talk to her openly about my relationship with Jake without fear of making things awkward. This was something that I craved the whole time I was gone, and I was thankful to have someone like Emma here to help me readjust.

I also took my time at home to work on my relationship with my mom. She took me to lunch several times and I really could see how hard she was trying to make things right. Although it was still sometimes awkward between us and probably would be for a while, I was able to have full conversations with her without it turning hostile. She also made an effort to hug me more when we greeted each other, and to offer support and advice when needed. Not once since I'd been back did she comment on my appearance, clothing choice, or drinking habits, and I was grateful.

Eventually, after bumming around home for too long and with the encouragement of Jake, I decided that it was time to return back to ASU. Carter and Caralyn had already returned to their universities, so there really wasn't a huge reason for me to stick around Spring Valley, and I was getting bored.

My mom had helped me load my bags into Hue, as I was still using crutches. Once she said goodbye and headed back into the house, I took a moment to remove my old McDonald's fry carton. I couldn't help but be mildly disappointed in my past self for leaving it there in the first place, but I guess I had no idea I'd be gone as long as I was. Now I would just have to deal with the fact that Hue smelled slightly of fried food; not that it was the worst scent in the world.

Once I was finally settled, I popped on my One Direction playlist, and blasted it as I drove back to college. I didn't mind the drive. It gave me time to be alone and think, and if I was being honest, I was nervous to see Alexa. After talking with the guys, I just had a weird feeling about her now. I still liked her and enjoyed her company, but the guys were right. What kind of a friend wouldn't believe me about something so serious?

I shook the thoughts from my head, not wanting to cause drama and hoped to god Trent wasn't going to be over when I arrived. Maybe, if I was lucky, Alexa would have grown some balls and kicked him out of her life during the time I was gone.

Of course, she didn't.

On the bright side though, he wasn't over when I arrived home, which I was super happy about. Alexa was eager to greet me and my bitter thoughts about her faded away the more we talked.

She immediately came downstairs, greeting me with a hug, and she helped me carry everything into our apartment.

"Holy shit Cassie! I knew you were going to be going to a survival camp but I can't believe you actually got put in a situation where you NEEDED to survive. You have to tell me everything! I was SO worried about you," she said as we both got situated on our living room couch.

It felt so strange being home. I knew the guys were all feeling the same with their returns home from what they've told me during our talks, but I was surprised to find being back at school felt more foreign to me than being in Spring Valley. I assumed it was because of how I felt about myself. Before, living here knowing Trent could stop by at any moment, I was constantly terrified. Now, sitting in the living room with Alexa, I still had the fear in the back of my mind, but I also knew that I was stronger now than I was before, and I knew I could handle myself.