Prologue

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August 9th

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"It hurts every day. The absence of someone who was once there."
-Unknown

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Imani POV

I am a disaster.

The last two months of my life have collapsed and buried me alive. I can't breathe, and the burning of my lungs is a constant reminder of how everything was set ablaze all in a matter of two days.

I'm floating, face down in the water blackened by my misery, and I can't turn over. Instead, I begin to sink.
Deeper

and
deeper
until I hit the bottom, where the sand settles and I become one with the darkness and debris.

I am a calamity.

I can't help feeling like I'm flying too close to the sun. It's warm, but I'm so, so cold. The closer I get, the quicker my veins turn to ice, and I feel my body hardening like liquid stone. As quick as I rise,

I fall,

plummeting into the murky unknown. A weightless, timeless, nothingness that is all consuming and infinite.

All I can hear is the voice, distant and quiet, calling my name in the chilling blackness.

Imani, it whispers.

Imani...

"Imani."

I choke on nothing and everything all at once as I glance around frantically in the dim lighting.

The lamp on the nightstand clicks to life, and suddenly I'm staring into frantic blue eyes. Features become face as I realize where I am, and I grab hold of his wrist as he gently cups my cheek with his hand.

My eyes water as I fight to steal back the air that continues to evade my lungs. I grasp at his arms and shirt desperately, acutely aware of my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

I wonder if he can hear the rapid beating of my heart...

My stringy, wet hair sticks like pine tar to my forehead and I shiver with wide eyes as he wraps me in his arms.

"Breathe." He says soothingly. "You're alright."

He pushes my hair out of my face and gasps. "Jesus, you're burning up," he whispers as I continue hyperventilating.

I must be dying, I think to myself as I struggle to gain control over my traitorous body.

I close my eyes, and everything is dark as I focus on my irregular breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Eventually, the world goes silent, and I can finally open my tired eyes. My heartbeat slows and falls in sync with his rhythmically thumping through my back.

Seconds turn to minutes before I finally speak, my voice coming out hoarse and not my own.

"I'm sorry," I say, a phrase I've become rather accustomed to lately.

It seems like being sorry is the only thing I'm good for.

"Don't apologize." He smooths down the unruly curls on the crown of my head. I can hear the worry is his voice, but I don't comment on it.

Instead, I ask, "What's the time?"

"It's 4:37."

I wince, closing my eyes.

These nightmares are getting out of hand.

"Ethan I'm really sor-" I stop myself, feeling another scolding coming on. "I...I didn't mean to wake you."

He wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. "You want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "Can we just go back to sleep?"

I can feel him reluctantly nod as he slides me out of his lap. "Sure. If that's what you want."

I don't say anything as I turn off the light. I lay on my side and pull the covers up to my neck as I stare into the darkness. Ethan settles in behind me, wrapping his arms around my body.

He rests his chin on my shoulder. "It's not your fault you know."

I blink back the tears as I scrunch my face tightly. "I know."

My emotions are a concrete dam, taunting me, threating to crack and spill through. I feel heavy, like there's a darkness constantly draining the life out of me. It's relentless and unforgiving. A dark, sadistic tormentor.

"Imani?" He mumbles sleepily, nuzzling closer to me.

"Yeah?" I respond, coming back to reality.

"I feel it too."

He doesn't elaborate, and when I finally build up the courage to ask, he's already softly snoring in my ear.

I sigh, staring out into the shadows as my mind begins to buzz with monstrous thought after monstrous thought. The longer I stay awake, the more certain I am that I won't find sleep again tonight.

My night terrors are not the things that unsettle me, nor my harrowing thoughts.

It's the ghastly light of day, and all that comes with it that keeps me up at night.

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