Entitled Parents

I'm not responsible for this child's actions when he is in his parents' custody.

The parents from this story clearly don't know what loco parentis means. In case you are wondering, it's a law, which translates to "in place of parent". Everyone who works in childcare has to know this. When I take a child into my custody, and I am a legal guardian for that child until the parent brings that child back into their custody.

When I first started working at this job about five years ago, I met a two year old who had some intense behavioral struggles. Hitting and kicking was a part of it, but there were bigger problems like crying and screaming during nap time (preventing other kids from sleeping), and biting teachers. Biting so hard that she would draw blood. Throwing toys are other kids, running into the bathroom and banging her head against the sink on purpose, peeing on herself because she thinks it's funny. I will say that deep down, she was NOT a bad child. She was a sweet, charismatic kid, and I built a very strong teacher-student bond with her and her younger sister. I worked closely with this kid to get all of this behavior to stop, and relayed my teaching techniques to two other teachers who continued working with her to help her. Unlike other teachers, in my entire time with her she'd never thrown toys at me, hit or kick me, or even bite me. She knew better, at least when she was with me. This is the first thing her entitled parents did, they expected me to parent their child for them.

The parents were known to let this two year old get away with a lot at home. They'd let her hurt her sister, and giggle like it's funny that she's hit a baby. Yes, a baby. And I think the reason why the parents never held her accountable for her behavior, was because the other teachers sucked up to them. They're a same-sex couple, and the other teachers hailed them as the greatest, strongest parents ever who had never made any mistakes. These parents were supposedly perfect. This bothered me because I can tell that they were afraid to tell these parents the truth about their parenting choices, and their child's behavior. I think they were afraid because they probably thought they have to be extra nice to them because they are a same-sex couple. That is actually a very disrespectful thing to do. I'm sure they'd rather people just treated them like everyone else. So these parents had been taught that they can do whatever, and meet no consequences.

So one day, one of the moms came in with both girls, and told the director, "She's acting like an a-hole today", in front of the kids, in front of another parent and the receptionist. No consequences.

Fast forward to pick-up time. I switched places with the two year old's regular teacher. She informs me that the child had multiple accidents and there were no more clothes to change her into, so she had on her last pair of shorts. She also told me that the girl had just gone to the bathroom 10 minutes prior. Apparently this kid was on a schedule where they'd make her use the bathroom every 30 minutes, but no one bothered to tell me that (this was not my regular class, either). Well, about ten minutes later, the same mom who called her kid an a-hole comes to pick her up. She was so angry that her daughter was in shorts, because it was cold outside, and I said, "That's all she had left that her head teacher could change her into." Note that these moms provided those shorts. They had been told before not to provide shorts, because it is WINTER. They kept doing it anyway. Don't get mad at me cause you provide the wrong clothes.

So the mom started telling me that her daughter had a difficult morning, and telling me everything she did. Well, I knew that all mornings at their house were difficult with this child. To try and bring humor to it and lighten the mood, I said to her, "Some kids just wake up in a mood, and decide they don't want to listen. It's normal for her age." And she responds with, "She's a good kid." And I said to her, "Yeah, she's a sweetheart."

Before they left I offered to take her daughter to bathroom, and she declined. There was a bathroom a few feet from them, and they could have used it, which parents are welcome to do. She gets the girl to put on her coat, and they leave. This kid's shorts were DRY when she left the classroom, remember that for a later part of this story.

I came in next morning, felt like it would be a good day, and I am called into the office by the director, the SAME DIRECTOR who heard this mom call her daughter an a-hole. Starts telling me this mom said I told her that her kid is a "bad kid all the time". I said her daughter's behavior was normal for her age. As tough as her behavior is, it's still normal. I made it very clear that I never said that. She was still taking the mom's word for it. I would NEVER say that to a parent, even if it was true! This mom was just mad because she's the only one who gets to think badly of her child, the rest of us gotta treat her like she's a perfect angel.

Then the director tells me that the mom also said that her daughter's shorts were wet when they got out of the car. So, logically, your kid peed on herself in the car. Not according to the mom, she alleged that her daughter was wet at school and brought home wet. Sounds like you knew your kid was wet at school, so why didn't you say anything then? Why did you just take her home and decide to call later? Are you mad because I acknowledged your daughter's behavior and wouldn't let her get away with it? Do you get that your kid's behavior is IMPROVING because of me, and at that point in time, ONLY ME? I really felt like I was the only one who gave a crap about this kid. I am NOT RESPONSIBLE for what your child does when she is NOT in my custody!!! The director treated me like I was, and mentioned the 30 min schedule like I was supposed to know it. And I'm like, "What 30 min schedule? Would've been nice if [head teacher] had told me that." So I get a big lecture about how I'm supposed to talk to parents, as if I don't know how to (after 15 years working with kids, I think I know pretty damn well), that she's willing to coach me (again, don't need coaching), then proceeds to try to tell me to change the kids before or right when they are picked up, or have them go to the bathroom right before pickup time, and I told her that I've been doing that since I started working there. That's not something I need to be told to do. She didn't like me saying that, but, oh well, because you can't talk to me like that. Of course I got written up.

So quite a bit of time goes by, like, several weeks. And when I had a chance to chat with these two moms about what happened (their vile false complaint), I explained to them that unlike other teachers, their daughter's behavior was never intense around me. She had respected my authority from the moment we met, and it was because I was a stable ground for her. I was guiding her behavior, and she was learning from me. That's basically what you do with most children. And I was like, I'm still very hurt that you told the director that I said she was a bad kid. I've never thought that about her, and I would never say something like that about a child.

The other mom is silent, and the one who had called the girl an a-hole just says, "Okay thank you." In the back of my mind I'm like, here we go again...

She told the director that I said that her daughter had no respect for authority, and that I said she was a terrible child who couldn't control herself. The director comes flying back to the classroom, asks me what is going on and I'm like, "Uh, good question, cause you seem upset and I'd like to know why." She relays what happened while one of the two year olds is having a fit and pulling on my leg, and my response to the director is "I'm just not going to say a single word to them anymore. Not even 'hello how are you', because they clearly like to twist things into a complete mess that I have no time for."

The director starts telling me I have to talk to them, it's part of my job and I'm like, "Not if it will make me lose my job." And she goes, "Well if you hadn't done anything wrong, why are you so worried?"

In my mind: "Oh, I dunno, maybe because she's making false complaints about me, I'm trying to help her child and you are taking sides with her because you're a moron."

What I actually said: "Today is my last day at this job."