Entitled Parents

My daughter set her microwave on fire. Give her yours. NOW.

A couple years ago, I was living at university. The accommodation was quite nice and not as minimalist as I was lead to believe. Each flat had 5 rooms (1 per occupant) and a kitchen that had a table, 6 chairs, 2 fridge freezers, a sink, oven, and a microwave. Please note that a kitchen is shared between all 5 occupants of the flat.

Naturally, Residential Services (the guys in charge of maintaining the building) would get twitchy if we broke something, so my flatmates and I always kept our flat in good nick, even doing cleaning before the cleaners got here so they'd have an easier time.

One day, at about 2 in the morning, when I'm just stepping out of the shower, the fire alarm goes off. I don't have time to dry myself, and I'm only able to throw on some shorts, a t-shirt and some trainers before I bolt out of my room. When the fire alarm goes off, we are meant to wait at the fire assembly point outside until it's safe to return. Unfortunately, this assembly point is right next to the river Thames...

And it was December...

And windy...

And I was still soaked...

Fuck I was cold!!!

After half an hour, security allows us to return to the building. But, as my flatmates and I get closer to our flat, we notice the increasingly potent smell of smoke. When we get to out flat, we notice a chair propping the door to our neighbours flat open, and on the chair is their microwave. But it was charred to high buggery. After talking to the security guys, we learned that our dumbass neighbours put a pie in the microwave and forgot to remove the foil case. And as we all know, microwaves and metal mix about as well as fuel and fire, with a similar result.

And those assholes next door don't move the microwave, and we can't call anyone as it's too early, so we can't sleep as our flat stinks of smoke. Seeing as we had enough, my flatmates and I manage to create a device to blow the smoke smell into our kitchen and out the window, using 3 chairs, 4 rolls of tape, an Ethernet cable, 2 Xbox One controllers and a desk fan (Don't ask). It's about 4 by the time we get to sleep, and one of my flatmates had 2 exams that morning, so he had to be up at 7AM.

That morning, I called Residential Services to tell them what happened and they send someone round to take the microwave away. They also inform our neighbours that they will not be getting a replacement, as this is the 3rd time they've set off the fire alarm out of their own stupidity.

A couple hours later, when I'm returning to the flat after getting our mail, I see an older dude standing outside the neighbours flat. I go to enter my flat, but he starts talking to me. Damn social conventions...

ED: you live here?

Me: yeah. Why?

ED: just coming to see my daughter cuz she said there was a fire last night.

I was pissed enough with them, so I had no qualms about dropping them in the metaphorical shit.

Me: yup. Your daughter or one of her flatmates put metal in their microwave, which set it on fire.

ED: so what happened to their microwave? Are they getting a new one?

Me: the old one was trashed and I don't think so. This is the 3rd time they've set off the fire alarm in the middle of the night over the last month, so I think Residential is putting their foot down.

ED: they can't take it away. What if the girls bought it?

Me: they didn't pay for it. Each flat gets their own microwave, but some people get extra stuff, like a kettle and toaster, out of the own pocket.

ED: then can't you just let them use your kitchen?

Me: um, say what?

ED: yeah, let them use your kitchen. It's not fair that they have to do without.

Me: it's completely fair. They screwed up by being irresponsible and they're being punished for it. I don't see why my flatmates and I have to put up with their shit AND let them use our kitchen. Besides, the kitchens aren't even that big. The five of us don't have that much room anyway, so there's no way five more will fit.

I'd like to note that ED tried to interrupt me multiple times when I was saying this, but I just continued as I saw where this was going and I couldn't be arsed to deal with it, hence why I was also slowly unlocking the door to my flat.

ED: so they're supposed to go without a microwave while you guys are enjoying yours? That's selfish.

Me: no, it's fair. We didn't set our shit on fire, so we keep our shit. They can't look after their shit, so they lose their shit. Can't get fairer than that, dude.

At this point, possibly the worst thing that could be happened...happened. 2 of the neighbours, one of which being the daughter, came out to see what was going on.

D1 (for dumbass 1): Hey dad, what's going on?

ED: I'm trying to get your neighbour to let you use their kitchen, but he's being a selfish dickhead about it.

D2 (for...you get the idea): well, why can't we use your kitchen, bitch? We need stuff too.

Me: it's like I said to this guy before; why should we lend our stuff to people who break theirs? We need that stuff and we look after it. It's not my fault you keep breaking shit.

D1: ugh, typical American. (I'm actually British)

D2: what have you done for us anyway? You guys make a whole lot of noise. You owe us.

The noise they are referring to actually comes from the guy in the room above me. He always stomps around late at night while shouting, hitting things and being an annoying dick. Hence why my flat calls him Stompy Von Dickbag. But since he is in the room above mine, people automatically blame me.

Me: that's not even me, that's the asshole above me. If you want to bitch about it, bitch to him, not me. I've got other shit to do.

I try to quickly slip into my flat and close the door, as I'm done with their bullshit at this point, but ED manages to push against the door before I can close it, keeping it open by about an inch.

ED: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, CUNT!!! GIVE MY DAUGHTER YOUR KITCHEN!!! SHE DESERVES IT MORE THAN YOU!!!

Due to the commotion, the flatmate from the room next to me comes out to see me trying to push the door shut while ED and D1 try to force their way in. He asks what's going on, and I fully explain by saying "the shitlarks next door want our microwave". He then walks to the door and says that they have 3 chances to fuck off. Keep in mind that my flatmate is built like a brick shithouse while D1 is a twig and ED is just a walking beer belly. 3 chances he gave, 3 chances they refuse. So my flatmate simply asks me to move to the side, to which he charges into the door, slamming it shut and knocking the would-be intruders on their arses. I thank my flatmate, hand him his mail, offer to make coffee, and we go into the kitchen to call Residential, all while the 3 Fucksketeers are cursing up a storm. We explain what's going on and even hold the phone so they can hear. Security arrive and remove ED from the campus and is banned from returning without having a member of security with him at all times. D1 and D2 received a penalty which increases their rent by 5%. Plus, they were going to provide a new microwave just after the new year, but those plans were soon scrapped.

The dumbasses continued to be petty about it for the rest of the year; trying to trip us on the street, getting people to make bogus complaints about us, leaving stink bombs outside our door, but that never cuz bed the fact that they were playing a game that they had already lost. Just to be mean, the flatmate who had the exams after their bullshit (who still passed cuz he's a legend) posted a Christmas card through their door, and it contained a picture of a microwave.

And that's why you take care of your shit. Don't blame anyone else if you break it. Your stuff: your responsibility