Hostage

Hot and Cold

Jason's POV

I stared at the blank canvas in front of me and then drew in a deep breath.

I needed it all to go away.

This.....emptiness.

I couldn't seem to get it out of my head,the image of her running.

I couldn't seem to forget the sight of Dre pursuing her..of Dre hitting her.

I dipped my paintbrush into my palette and then made a bold dark stroke across the canvas. The black paint stained the white canvas instantly.

A visual representation of darkness in light.

I didn't want to live like this.....I didn't want to be like this anymore.

I didn't want to feel so ....damaged all the time.

Honestly,I would give up everything if it meant I got to lead a normal life. If it meant I got to throw silly high school parties every once in a while. If it meant I got to get drunk on cheap alcohol once in a while.  If it meant so many deaths didn't have to happen around me.

Every stroke on the canvas was heavier than the previous one. And I let the colors consume me. I let myself drown in the painting because it meant that for a few seconds,I would get to forget....to feel numb.

Twelve years ago my therapist had told me it was okay to talk. She said it was toxic to keep things in.

"It's okay to be a boy sometimes." She had told me. I wished she could see me now.....see the person I'd become.

Who could I talk to now?

How would anyone understand?

Who would choose to stay if I showed them the demons in my closet?

I exhaled loudly,feeling hot,wet liquid roll down my cheeks.

I think I finally understood it now.... Whatever drove Ruby to the bridge that night,I think I finally understood it.

I think i finally understood the pain....The feeling of not wanting to be damaged anymore.

The sudden vibration of my phone in my back pocket Snapped me out of my trance,causing me to drop my palette.  I cursed out loud as I pulled out the phone and glanced at the screen.

Due to my sudden disappearance over the last few days, I'd earned myself a good number of unread messages from Roxi,from Tyler and the rest of the group. But today was different. Today,I stared at the digits of the unknown number that'd texted me.  Just then my phone beeped,signaling another text had just entered. This time it was from Tyler.

"Hey man. You've been awfully distant these days. Is everything okay?"

Beep.

Another text.

"You know you can talk to me.... That's what brothers are for."

I glanced at the screen and then scowled.

Could I really?

Could I really trust him to keep my secret? To keep Andres secret?

Beep.

Beep.

"Brie's really worried about you. We all are. Please tell me you didn't skip town again?"

"By the way,Ruby asked for your number earlier. I had no choice but to give it to her. You guys are working together for the project anyway."