The Teachers Inmate

Chapter Twenty One.

Belle lay in the king size bed, watching the ceiling fan circle around and chewing on her nails. She wasn't regretting what happened with Alex but she regretted the circumstances around it, and all the choices she still had to make with this added on.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Alex asked from beside her.

"Nothing," She said, forcing a smile.

"Belle, come on. It's me, tell me."

She rolled onto her left side to face him, the sheets pulled up under her arms.

"Do you think this was a mistake?" She asked.

"No, you have never been a mistake," He said running his fingers through her dark hair.

"We were supposed to come here to talk," She pointed out.

"Okay, so talk to me." He encouraged.

"I was so...scared and hurt and angry at you when you went away. I know you did what you did to protect me, I do but...I was so in love with you and you...you preferred to be the martyr."

"I never realized what I was doing to you, I thought you hated me for killing your father, I thought it was better for you if we just...cut our ties."

"No, it wasn't I...I needed you." She said softly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"What happened to you while I was in prison?"

She sat up not sure she was ready to talk about this anymore, not ready to tell him the truth and the secrets.

"I wrote to you every day....for months," she said.

He didn't reply and she climbed from the bed. Walking into the living room she dug in her purse for the polaroid picture then walked back into the bedroom.

Climbing onto the bed next to him she slipped under the blankets, she held the picture to her chest a minute then slowly handed it to Alex.

"Alex...that's your son," She said softly.

He took the picture and sat up in the bed to study it, the picture was of a sonogram of a small barely formed baby.

"A...a son...and he's mine?" He asked slowly.

"Yes."

"I used condoms," He said dumbly.

"One must have broken, I tried to get you to call I didn't want to tell you about him in a letter." She admitted.

"Belle..."He fell silent still staring at the picture.

"If you had just called or written me back once but you didn't and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared."

"Did...did you have him?" He asked.

She bit her lip and more tears streaked down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head and then took the picture off of him.

"Did you have an abortion?" He asked, swallowing back his own tears.

"No, I would never...I wanted to keep him but...I had a miscarriage not long after this picture I was about five months along. I should have been out of the woods but...I wasn't."

He took a shaky breath, tears finally spilling from his eyes as he realized the damage he had caused. She was pregnant and out there in the world scared and needing him and he had been ignoring her.

"I started to hemorrhage, there was a lot of danger and damage and I...I had to have a hysterectomy a few days later." She admitted.

"Baby...I'm so sorry," He managed to say pulling her close and holding her even tighter.

She didn't cry but he felt tears choke his own throat, he wanted to cry. He was a dad, he was just months away from being someone's dad. A son, he almost had a little boy.

"I forgive you," Belle said softly.

"So...that's why no birth control," He said with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, no babies here. Not anymore," She said trying to tease but her voice shook.

"Does Jade know?"

"Of course she does."

"What about Landon?"

"Yes...he knows. He said he doesn't care but...he wanted kids nearly as bad as I did."

"I'm so sorry Belle, I'm so so sorry, I...I should have..."He didn't know what to say.

Why had she lost the baby was it because of something he did or something he didn't do? Was it because he drank so heavily when he got her pregnant? was it because she was so young when he got her pregnant? Was it the stress from watching him murder her father? A million thoughts raced in his head and he had trouble sorting them.

"Alex, Alex," Her voice and soft hand on his cheek snapped him from his thoughts.

"There's nothing you could have done."

He shook his head, staring at her and finally seeing her for the first time since he got out of jail. Seeing the woman that she was with only small traces of the girl he left behind.

He leaned forward and kissed her, it was the only thing he knew how to do. The only way he could say anything without words.

It's only a second before she's kissing him back and he pushes her down onto the mattress, untangling the blankets from around her so he can pres shis naked body against hers, her legs going around his waist and pulling him close.

He makes love to her a second time, this time more slowly and gentle. Saying everything he couldn't say with words. Like that he loved her and was sorry about the Baby, about the past, about all of it.