rose garden | minsung.

lmh ♡ .21

i didn't know what to do. people kept coming and greeting me but i didn't have the heart to speak. i kind of just zoned out the whole time. i couldn't concentrate as i was worried about jisung. he probably hates me right now. ugh i'm such an idiot. i received a message from woojin that read something along the lines of 'let's meet up sometime. i miss you xoxo'. i could feel my stomach churn at that. i don't want him. i was so out of it that i hadn't even realized seulgi sat down next to me.

"go" she whispered in my ear since the living room was getting loud due to the overpopulated numbers of body all speaking at once.

"huh?" i asked snapping out of my thoughts.

"i said go. i'll excuse you for the night. in the meantime go get your boyfriend." she replied i could feel my face heat up at the choice of wording she used. but i wasn't even going to deny it since she knows me too well.

i stood up hugging her before i sneaked my way out. no one really seemed to noticed. irene was too busy attending guest and making sure everything was perfect to even noticed. i looked at my clock to see it was 10:45 shit i don't have much time. i practically sprinted in hopes of finding him.

the streets were covered in a white sheet of snow. my footsteps crunched with every step. it was the only sound i heard apart from my heavy breathing and my heart beating, i was losing hope as i had looked everywhere in town for him. where could he be? i was growing nervous as i looked at my clock it read 11:09 now. shit if i don't find him soon i could actually lose my chances. i was running out of places to look for him. there was only one place left and if he isn't there then he's gone.

flashing lights, music blasting, red cups filled of poison, overpopulated sweaty bodies in room, broken glass, smell of alcohol and smoke, long nights, hangovers, parties, crying, fights, yelling, sirens.

i don't wanna lose you jisung.

once i reached the entrance of the park i scanned my surroundings for any sign of him. i walked along the path further until i saw a figure underneath a big oak tree. i could feel my heart beat faster with each step. it's too cold for him to be out here, especially with no jacket. i stopped once i was in front of him.

"jisung let's go back. you'll get sick if you stay out here for so long" i began but he just kept his head down as he leaned on the tree.

"l-leave me a-alone." his voice wavered and it made me upset to see that i was the one who caused this.

"i'm not leaving without you now come on" i replied more firm this time. i was about to grab his hand but he moved away before i could.

"l-leave. i'm g-going back home " he answered me.

"jisung don't act like this with me now. lets talk it out." i tried reasoning but he just shook his head as he wiped his eyes. that really hurt me more than i knew could be possible. not that he was pushing me away but the fact that he was crying all because of me.

"n-no" he responded

"jisung i wanna make things right. i've told you about my problems. i wanna help." i added i wanted to keep him talking so that i could find out why he was this upset in the first place. it can't be over woojin calling me right?

"you wanna help?! hyung you are the one who lied to me! why did you cancel our plans?! so you could meet up with woojin?! why couldn't you just tell me?! why'd you have to lie about it?! after everything you still go back to him?! he doesn't deserve you! why am i even here if you want woojin!" jisung snapped looking at me now. i didn't know how to respond to that.

"jisung i am sorry i didn't think i'd make you this upset—" i began but he didn't let me finish.

"how dense can you be?! i am tired of giving you hints hyung! you never get them! i have a crush on you!" he exclaimed loudly. he was fuming now. i could feel my face heat up. did i hear him right? he has a crush on me? now i definitely feel stupid! this is what changbin and jeongin had been trying to tell me this entire time. and now i might possibly ruin it because of my actions.

"j—" i started but he cut me off.

"don't, i don't wanna hear your pity." he answered back. i sighed as i know he won't give me a chance to explain. i looked at my clock to see it was 11:56. i placed my hands on his shoulders and lean closer to him backing him up on the tree.

"listen to me. i admit i lied to you. i only did because i was meeting changbin to ask him for advice. i was talking about you when i met up with changbin. i wasn't meeting up with woojin." i answered but he didn't look entirely convinced and i don't blame him.

"then what about woojin calling you? how do i know you still don't love him?" he asked me still skeptical.

"i am over him so believe me when i tell you that. he was my first and last boyfriend i had. and what he said at the convenience store is true. we dated for a long time a few years actually. i loved him and was always there for him, but the bastard was always fucking anything he could grab. the relationship with him was flawed from the beginning. he was never loyal and he always got himself in trouble. that i'd always have to step in for him and clean up his mess. he wasn't all that bad, there were times where he was actually sweet and it was those times that made me stay. but a part of me knew i always wanted to leave him the problem being i never could because he had a way of persuading me to stay. and whenever i had those thoughts and whenever i would lay awake at night i would always keep telling myself 'he'll love me, right' but he never did. it was pretty much hopeless. it wasn't until i actually slept with him that he started to not want me around anymore and everything started to go even worse until he eventually ended it. we ended on bad terms. he only called me because he wants to sleep with me again. i don't want him though. i want you han jisung. you're the one i have been thinking about lately. you're the one who makes me happy and makes my heart flutter. you're the one i want to go to bed with at night and wake up the next morning with. you're the one i wanna kiss. i wanna be the reason why you're happy. not woojin. you! and only you! i only have eyes for you! so don't give up on me now!" i ranted he stood there shocked as his eyes watered.

"y-you m-mean it?" jisung asked me. i leaned closer to his face so that our lips were ghosting each other. his eyes flickered to my lips. it was like gravity itself was pulling us together. and we stayed that way waiting for the other to make the first move.

"are you going to keep staring at my lips or are you going to kiss me?" i asked him. he was flushed pink i didn't know whether it was because of what i said or because of the cold.

i didn't wait for his reply as i took matters into my own hands. i cupped his face and pulled him towards me connecting our lips. i could hear fireworks go off but i didn't care i had my own fireworks going off in my stomach. i have been wanting to kiss him for a this entire trip so to finally get the chance to and him not pushing me away made it feel truly blissful. his lips were soft like i imagined they were.

and on that night i managed to be able to say i admit that i have the phattest crush on a boy named han jisung. but the kiss all i can say is that it was worth the wait. i managed to end the year with jisung and begin it with him.

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