I'm back and badass!

Chapter 28.

It's been 2 hours. I've been driving around in my car for 2 hours. Just thinking about everything. About Lila, Mackenzie, just life in general. I need to tell someone. But who can I tell? Who can it all to that I trust and who knows about what I feel for Kenzie?

ELENA! She knows all about it. I quickly drive to elena's house, my mind swirling with thoughts, about everything and nothing at the same time. I can't handle this. I just can't. Not anymore.

As I pull up into the apartment building, I quickly get out of my car, lock it and run towards the door and Elena's apartment. Tears running down my face. When did I start crying? I don't know. But I know that it won't stop soon because I can't seem to stop myself from doing it right now.

Knock knock! Knock knock knock knock! I repeatedly knock on her door as I'm leaning against the side of it.

"Fucking hell! Why are you.... Izzy! What's wrong! Come in. Come in." She starts untold she sees it's me and the state I'm in. "What happened? Are you alright?" She said concerned and anxious for my response.

I slowly walked to the couch and sat on it. My back hunched over, looking at the ground with my hands in my hair. She slowly sits next to me, the couch dinting as she does, and waits expectantly but patiently for me to speak and tell her what's wrong.

"I can't do it anymore..." I whisper. "Do what?" She asks, concern clear in her voice.

"This! I can't do it anymore. She said she loved me. LOVED ME! And I couldn't say it back. Do you know how much it hurt to see the look of sadness and betrayal and HURT that crossed her face when I just looked at the ground, expressionless?" I said, exasperated to Elena.

"I can't do it anymore. Not when I love someone else. I can't live this constant lie, or lead her on just because I'm trying to hide what I truly feel. It's not fair on her..." I continued until I was cut of.

I turned to the left of me, and standing right in the door was her. Mackenzie. The one I've been trying so hard to keep my feelings for her gone. Fuck!

"What do you mean? Your leading Lila on when you like someone else? Who do you like? Why don't I know about this when I'm your bestfriend! I'm your fucking best friend Isabella! Why are you keeping things from me but telling someone else when you've known me for way longer!!!" She screamed at me.

I didn't even notice that Elena ran out the room when Kenzie was screaming at me.

"Kenzie stop." I whispered.
"No! tell me Bella! Please you can't keep these kind of stuff away from me. I'm meant to be your best friend. Tell me" she shouted one again.

"No" I shouted back. "Why not?!" She shouted back once again, her face red with anger and betrayal in her eyes. I walk up to her and pin her arms to the wall.

"Because it's YOU! It's you okay? YOUR the one who I can't seem to get out of my head. YOUR the one who I imagine when I'm with Lila. YOUR the one who I want to hold and kiss and just be with for the rest of my life. Or when I'm sad or happy or depressed. YOUR the one who I can't imagine my life without. It's YOU okay?..."
As tears continue to fall down my face, Kenzie a face start to soften and tears slowly spill down her still rosy cheeks. A look of surprise and uncertainty clear in her dark beautiful eyes.

"...And I know that you don't feel the same way about me but you still force me to continue to fall more and more in love with you everyday. IVE LOVED YOU FOR 5 YEARS! 5 fucking years! I can't handle it anymore. My heart breaks every time I see you with someone who's not me. It feels like it's being ripped out of my chest whenever you talk about someone else in a romantic way. I can't handle it. I just can't. I'm sorry. Just.. please...Please go." I shouted, but it ended with me in tears and whispering the end so quietly that i don't even know if she was able to hear it.

I back away from her slowly. Scared of what I just confessed to her. What did I do? Why did I fucking do that? OMG!

"No. I can't. Bella. Listen to me please." She pleaded.

"No! I've already ruined this. Your never going to talk to me a..and then everyone will leave me. They always do..." I whispered. Desperately searching for something to hold on so I don't fall to the ground.

She quickly runs to me and pulls me in to a hug. I try to resist but I'm just too weak to do it. I end up crying in her shoulder, hanging onto her shoulder like my life depended on it until I slowly fall into a deep sleep. Nightmares consuming my dreams and thoughts of what is going to happens tomorrow running through my mind rapidly.

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