The Nerd sits on his coach, playing the first Mario Cart. "So this game still fuckin' sucks" He snarls. All of a sudden, The Nostalgia Critic busts in "Nerd!" The Nerd brings out his zapper and points it at him "Don't try anything cockshit!" The Critic staggers and puts his hands up "Aren't we friend now?" He asks, "Yeah sorry, old habits die hard". The Critic clears his throat and approaches The Nerd. "It's this other youtuber, he's claiming that he's the angriest gamer in the world and that no one can top him" The Critic says "Who's this cocksucker making some cocksucking claims?" The Nerd asks "Jacksepticeye".
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*Cue Herb Albert - Spanish Flea
The Nerd crashes into Jack's studio, his zapper in the air "What the fack are ye doin' in my house?" The Nerd turns and faces Jack "Okay you little shit stained fuck faced dick monger, you think you're angrier than me? I'd like to watch you try" Jack sighs and takes out a green notebook, a star marked on the front. Jack writes down the word gun and it appears in his hands, "Let's go asshole!" The Nerd's zapper fires a laser and Jack's gun shoots a cartoon like bullet, they clash and explode. As the Nerd is shot back he shouts "AAASSSSSSSS". Jack takes out a sword that's lime green, and The Nerd pulls out the Odyssey Gun "Eat shit!" The Nerd yells, "Go fack yerself!" Jack retaliates. The Nerd fires a shot at Jack, which is countered by Jack's blade, Nerd fires 5 more shots at Jack, only one hitting him in the leg. "SHIT! SON OF A-" The Nerd takes out a bow with a flaming arrow and fires at him, Jack's left eye turns black and blue, multiple bones appear behind him, "You're going to have a bad time" The bones fire at The Nerd, they bury into the ground as they miss Nerd multiple times, several hit him, one even hits him in the balls. "OH SHIT! YOU SPLOOGE DRINKING DICK SUCKING- AHHHHH" The Nerd groans. The Nerd stands up and takes out The Power Glove "FUCK YOU" He punches Jack in the face, 5 times and then hits him in the crotch. Jack stands up and a lime green eyeball hovers beside him "GO SAM!" Sam fires lasers all over the place, blowing The Nerd up with explosions. The Nerd dizzily stands up and smiles "You think that's powerful?" And from afar, a shout rings through the room, "What the fu-" All of a sudden- "FUCKERS! FUCKERS! FUCKERS!" Jack falls unto the ground as Sam explodes into a million pieces "SUPER MECHA DEATH CHRIST 100000000 BCE .99 ALPHA BITCH!" Super Mecha Death Christ shoots rockets all over the place, "Jesus Christ!" Jack says as he explodes. "FUCK YEAH!"
*Cue DDLC - Sayo-Nara
The room turns black, a glitch effect surrounding the room "Shit the fuck?" Antisepticeye rises from the ground with Maxwell's notebook, he writes something down. The Nerd falls unto the ground as Antisepticeye stands over The Nerd's body with a smile "yOu CaN kIlL hIm, BuT yOu CoUlD nEvEr EnD mE" He pulls out a knife as darkness surrounds The Nerd, Jack slashes at him, blood streaming from The Nerd's body... Antiscepticeye laughing at The Nerd. The Nerd tries to shout but nothing comes out "nO oNe cAn HeAr YoUr ScReAmS eXcEpT mE" he says in delight, plunging the blade into The Nerd's chest over and over... and then turning around and walking away... The Nerd's cold body laying on the ground...
*Cue Angry Video Game Nerd Theme Rock Ver.
"No... NO! I WILL NOT!" The Nerd stands up, "I'D RATHER GET FUCKED BY A BULL HORN IN BOTH MY HOLES, I'D RATHER LICK A UNICORN'S SHIT BRICK THAT HAS STAGE 5 OF EVERY SINGLE DISEASE, I'D RATHER... I'D RATHER HAVE A BUFFALO TAKE A DIARRHEA DUMP ON MY EAR, I'D RATHER EAT THE ROTTEN ASSHOLE OF A ROAD-KILL SKUNK AND DROWN IT WITH BEER!" All of sudden, NES Accessories surround The Nerd, he takes out the Super Scope "I'M GONNA TAKE YOU BACK TO THE PAST BITCH!" He fires rockets at Antisepticeye as he yells "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Even more rockets fire at Antisepticye "DIE YOU BRICK SHITTING DIARRHEA EATING NEEDLE FUCKING MOOSE MOLESTING COCK SUCKING WOMAN DISCRIMINATING FUCKING SUCKING SUCKING FUCKING DICK LICKING SPLOOGE DRINKING ASSHOLE! DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" The Nerd fires over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. He takes out a Rolling Rock and chugs it as he fires at Antisepticeye, flipping him off while he drinks... until eventually...
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The blackness fades and nothing remains of Jack. The Nerd flops unto the couch as he takes out a Rolling Rock, the rubble of Jack's house falling from the ceiling, as Markiplier's face pops out from the door, his eyes wide and horrified, The Nerd turns to him and sighs "What... You wanna fight too you little bitch?" The Nerd scowls... Mark's head sinks back from the doorway as Mark starts to run away "Yeah, that's what I thought asshole" The Nerd mutters, finishing his Rolling Rock.
THIS DEATH BATTLE'S WINNER IS:
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