Better ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 6: Favorite

I love you.

Those three words wouldn't leave my thoughts. Even as I sat there on my bed, staring blankly at the wall across from me, I was dumbfounded. He...he loves me? Did he really say that? I bit my bottom lip. He did and how did I reply? Tch. With the only way I know how.

I squeezed my eyes shut. After Kellen had told me he loved me I had pulled away and tugged him along, hurrying into the dormitory. Once in my room, I slammed my lips to his. My thoughts had been erratic and disorganized, leading me to do the only thing I could. We had sex. My usual answer. I didn't know what to say or how to react. Afterward, what he said still chimed through me.

"Ya know, it's okay if you're not ready to say it back," he had smiled, trailing his fingertips down my bare arm. "You don't need to force it. I'll wait. When you're ready, you can say it back."

I was so stupid. Too afraid to just say that...or was that even the truth? Was it because I wasn't ready to say those three words back or was it because of something else? Kellen was a great guy. He was amazing, even, but...but that didn't make chills dart the length of my spine. His smile didn't make my breath hitch and nor did his touch send my heart fluttering. Was it because I was still settling into our relationship? Was it still too new for me? Or...was it an outside force? Was I not feeling the same because of something else? Or, rather, someone else?

"Fuck!" I snarled, throwing myself back, my back slamming against my mattress.

The springs bounced and groaned at the force, but I paid them no mind. I just lifted my stare to the ceiling, my thoughts racing. I didn't know what to feel. Anger? Frustration? Guilt? Dirty? I didn't know. All I knew was that my life was becoming too complicated for my simplistic plain Jane ways. I went from never being noticed to suddenly all eyes on me. People had begun to call me a hero for saving the second victim along with recognizing me as Kellen's girlfriend. Peers I never spoke to before were suddenly flashing me friendly smiles and exchanging conversations with me.

Honestly, I didn't need any of that. I was perfectly content with the way I had been living. Under the radar and ignored. I was perfectly fine with that, but my comfort was no longer my own. I was now in the eye of my peers. And I hated it all.

"I wish life was simple. I wish it was all like before," I murmured. "I don't like how complex and confusing it's all becoming."

I just wanted my normality to stabilize, but that was doubtful. There was no pause button or way to rewind back to the past. No matter how I felt, I only had one option; to progress with the rest of the world. That was all I could really do.

I breathed out a tired huff and closed my eyes, my exhaustion catching up to me. With the lack of sleep, I got back in H/P and the jetlag all combining together, I was ready to crash. My body was weak, and my mind was a static mess both longing for the refreshment slumber would bring. I was happily about to welcome it when a knock came at my door.

Annoyed, I squinted open my eyes. I didn't think much as I hiked out of bed. I only figured it was Kellen returning to get something he had forgotten after our...session. I mean, who else would it have been?

With groggy thoughts and a slight annoyance bubbling beneath the surface, I pulled open the door to be greeted by the sight of the most beautiful thing. A to-go cup from The Armored Café smelling of my favorite treat; a caramel mocha Frappuccino with the perfect amount of wip cream (if this doesn't sound good, then switch it out with whatever you want) being held by Jean.

"Welcome back," he said quietly, flashing me a smile though it didn't seem to reach his eyes.

I just stared at him. He was really there...he was actually standing outside my door with a tasty caffeinated treat. I wasn't making him up. But that just made me remember earlier...how the appearance of devastation slivered over his features at seeing Kellen and me just hugging. Though, I suspected that maybe he caught what Kellen had said to me before that. Still, I was too anxious to even ask that.

Instead, I questioned, "Jean? Hey. What...what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, "Figured I'd say 'hey' and see how your trip went. Oh, uh, here." He passed me the cup. "Thought ya might be running low on energy and needed a little pick me up."

"Thank you," I smiled, taking it into my hold. I took a sip, its deliciousness rolling down my throat as I hummed, "Mmm. So good."

"I figured you'd like it," he shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Bertolt said you get it a lot."

That caught my interest. He had actually taken the time to figure out what I liked? If it were anyone else doing that I would have been alarmed, but I wasn't with him. In fact, I found his gesture rather sweet and kind.

"Thanks again," I grinned. "I really appreciate this. This is really what I needed."

"No problem," he replied. He paused for a moment before adding, "So, how was your trip? You flew back to H/P didn't ya?"

I tightened my hold on my cup and nodded, "Yeah...umm...I went to...to see my dad."

"Oh. Is everything okay?" he pressed, knitting his brows with concern. "I mean, you seemed worried the last time I saw you."

I hesitated at first but answered, "Everything's...it's all complicated." I ran my fingers through my hair. "My dad...he, umm...he has cancer."

He perked up at that. He blinked a few times, most likely trying to figure out how to reply. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much. He was most likely just going to say 'I'm so sorry' just like everyone else. Basically, repeating all that I had heard.

"Wow," he said, shifting his weight. "That's always a scary diagnosis to get. I can only imagine what's going through your head. How are you handling it all?"

That surprised me.

I bit my lips and shrugged, "I mean, I'm still kinda taking it all in. I never really saw my dad as the type to get cancer. But I'm not worried about myself."

A soft smile lifted the corners of his lips. "Cancer doesn't have a type. It just happens." He took a step closer to me, adding, "But, you are allowed to worry about yourself, too. Cancer doesn't just hurt the person fighting it. It affects those around as well." He lowered his head, whispering close to my ear, "Don't be afraid to take care of yourself, Y/N."

Chills ran the length of my spine as my breath hitched. He was showing a side of him that was becoming more and more clear though I was still at a loss. I believed it to be my head playing tricks on me...but he was there...so close yet so far.

I was about to reply when he pulled away and flashed another saddened smile. "I'll let you get some rest. Sorry if I impeded on your recouping. I'll see you around."

Before I had a chance to say anything else, he was already leaving. Just like before, he grew smaller and smaller until he was out of sight, leaving me to myself -leaving me to my thoughts. And I wanted to chase after him. I wanted to, but I knew it wasn't my place.

Still, as I gazed down at the drink he had gotten me I couldn't help but smile. He got me my favorite.

**Ello my sweet lovelies. I won't deny it; this chapter was difficult for me. Can't say why. I guess my creative juices weren't flowing right. Well, at least I got something. Anyway, what do y'all think this little encounter means? How did it make you feel? Let me know! Thank you so, SO, SOOOOOOO much for everything! Y'all are the bestest! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross