phan one shots

raw and bleeding

Summary: Dan's fingers are always raw and bleeding

TRIGGER WARNINGS: self harm, panic attack, depression, anxiety

Dan's foot tapped against the tiled floor, the exposed sun kissed skin under his ripped black jeans brushing against the bottom of the desk as his leg bounced up and down.

His slender, thin body was tense, all his muscles locked up. Burning red was filling up his bones, coloring his insides, clawing at his throat.

All these demons hissing words, words building up, spilling from every corner of his mind but it had nowhere to go.

It just pressed against him, filling up, ripping from his mouth in silent screams that went unheard.

No one around him saw past his eyes, deep, warm coffee eyes decorated with hues of gold and hazel, shimmering, watering, covered by something, hidden with emptiness and detachment.

His dark pink lips, almost red, teeth marks puncturing soft, smooth skin.

His honey cheeks were blossoming with roses set on fire, lashes fluttering, heart pounding, pounding, pounding.

It was hard to breathe.

There was a hole in his lungs, and sharp silver knives sticking out of his chest that no one saw.

His brown curls were frizzy, tousled, messy, falling around his ears like crescents, sticking up from how many times he ran his fingers through them.

Fingers.

He was always fidgeting with something, pale palms clammy, fingers moving, twisting turning.

Or pressed to his lips.

Biting down on his fingertips, or ripping at his skin, or tearing at sharp edges.

Fumbling hands turning and twisting around blades, pressing to soft untouched skin, painting pretty pictures of crimson blood.

His finger tips, pressed against his lips.

Stinging, hurting.

His fingers were always raw.

Raw and bleeding.

Red staining the yellowing pages of the books he reads to escape his nightmares, turning black ink words scarlet, screaming on his bleeding walls.

His fingers were always raw and bleeding.

He walked to school and killed his voice, his brain set on fire.

Seeking eyes, scary eyes, with unknown thoughts behind them. Whispers, whispers, what are they saying.

They're judging.

You look stupid.

Useless, worthless, ugly, disgusting, repulsive.

Fat.

Piece of shit.

Fingers, clawing, shaking.

Raw and bleeding.

On the floor of the bathroom.

The bathroom is his friend, it hides him, it knows all his dirty secrets.

It knows exactly what his cries sound like. It sees his lips twist, his fingers scratch, the way he pulls on his hair. It sees his screams, hears his screams tearing out of his soul, a soul that's gone up in flames.