Because Of Him | ✅

31 | Unwanted feelings and confession.

It sucks that you somehow developed feelings towards someone who doesn't even take a proper glance at you nor even know your name when you spend more than four weeks with them.

I look at my friends who are looking at me. I stop reading my novel that I only managed to read like two pages in one hour. Their eyes are hopeful that I will say something, anything. I have been bottled up for two days now and they are worried because this is the longest I never talk. So I decided to talk because I am mad and upset on Liam and...me also but not on them. These are my friends who have been trying for three days as if they are the reason behind my silent state. I decided to push that feeling I have grown towards Liam and focus on my amazing friends.

"Sounds good. I will eat three hot dogs if I like and I need purple converse." I say and see how smiles appear on each of their pretty faces.

"Really?" Amelia asks, surprise evident in her tone. I nod my head.

"Only if you pay for both." I cheekily say and she rolls her eyes at me but says yes. I watch as everyone seems to be happy that I finally speak so I let it like this, from inside I am different but for them I have to pretend that I am okay.

We watch a comedy movie till late night and around 1 we go to sleep as usual Julia and Selena goes to Amelia's room and me and her sleep in mine. I was wide awake the whole night due to Amelia. I didn't turn much on the bed because I didn't want to disturb her. She isn't a light sleeper but is a cuddly person. Her arms are wrapped loosely around my waist as If I am her pillow. I shift slightly, staring at the ceiling as soon as my mind is filled with flashbacks, tears make an appearance. The same thing is happening on repeat from the past three days. I remember the time outside the library when Liam suddenly held me in his arms and hugged me. He was hiding from a girl and I was caged in his arms. I remember the way he smelled, the first time I smelled him and instantly drew towards his sweet and calming scent. That was probably the first and last time I was this close to him. Our almost kiss had us close so many times but that day it was more intimate than any other times. I close my eyes and play that scene over and over again. That time wasn't like other times we got close, It was more longer and there was a reason unless his other futile attempts. I put a hand over my mouth as the emotions bubble up more, my bed sheets stain with tears and I turn around with a sad smile on my lips.

I feel like from these past three days, my mind is repeating the exact same sentence, asking the same questions and I am getting nowhere with it. It's like I never left that geography class. I am still sitting inside, hiding from everyone and admitting that I like Liam. I am not even sure that what I am feeling towards him is actually named like. I never experience this emotion, this feelings towards anyone. So how could I be so sure that I do really like him? What if I am infatuated by him and by mistake thinking that I like him. I really need a class or someone who can dig information about my feelings towards him, who can analyze my symptoms and tell me that yes it is this or that. It matters to me because I have been so distant lately, I could see it too. It's affecting me in a bad way.

I wanted someone to tell me it's just a short admiration that will go away with time. I had been wondering about those girls Liam has been with. I am sure he has fling with beyond fifty girls. Don't those girls ever feel anything about him? I mean apart from his rude behavior, he is a very handsome man at least in my eyes. The most handsomest I ever seen. Don't they ever find themselves stuck with feelings even though their business lasts only for a couple of hours. Don't Liam ever developed any feelings towards the girls he had been with?