I'm Sorry (Watty Nominated 2019)

Dear Diary. #1

Dear Reaper,

It's the same thing everyday.

Wake up.

Go to school.

Come home.

Sleep.

Repeat.

My life feels like a blur nowadays. I can't think back to the last time i had an actual good time because i don't even remember what having fun feels like. It's hell, Reaper, i feel like a passenger, trapped inside of my own body and watching as the days go by, as everything consumes me from the inside out.

Today i tried to make a new friend.

Or should i say, at least make ONE friend. So that i could at least have someone to talk to other than you. No offense, Reaper, i love you and all but i think a girl my age needs to communicate with other human beings. Writing to an imaginary person that doesn't exist seems somewhat unhealthy.

But maybe that's just it, maybe i am just crazy, Reaper. Maybe I'm just losing my mind. Because the moment i walked up to the new girl today at school, she looked at me like i was crazy for even looking in her direction. I think you can guess what happened next, Reaper.

Yup, she almost tripped over herself trying to get away from me.

I mean, what was wrong with me? I took a shower before i went to school, i brushed my teeth, i washed my face. I was clean! My breath didn't smell..oh my god, maybe it did.

Give me a minute to check...

Nope, no, my breath is still okay.

I mean sure, i was a bit late this morning and just had to tie my hair up in a messy thingamabob and throw on the first few things i could find, but it's not like i magically transformed into Wade Wilson over night. I don't get why she ran from me. In the end though, it doesn't matter to me anymore because I'm used to it, Reaper.

I'm used to being alone, I'm used to being an outsider. I'm used to people running away from me.

Thanks for listening, Reaper. You're an awesome friend. I hope you won't leave me too.

I'm sorry.

For being me.

Goodnight, Reaper. I hope you'll still be here in the morning.

P.S: i may or may not have put some flowers on your cover. Oops, these things happen!

Byyyyeeee now!