Wolfstar

15) a little bit of courage

Sirius was ready to start with the mandrake leaf. He'd been ready since he read the instructions in the book, but Remus had slowed him down and thankfully, he listened, because the instructions were so specific that he only really understood them after reading them countless times.

'James, when are we going to start with that leaf?' Sirius asked during Herbology. 'I dunno, whenever you want. Do you know exactly what to do?' James replied.

'Yeah, I think so. I'm positive I read everything about becoming an animagus.'

'Quick question though, how are we going to eat? Or talk? What if you swallow it in your sleep? And surely people will notice.'

'No idea. I think we can put it beneath our tongue, in that way we can still eat. We may talk a little weird still. I think we'll get used to it, and it's only a month.'

'Only a month! Pff', James said. 'How are you going to survive not kissing Remus for a month? If you do, he will get pieces of leave inside his mouth', he sniggered.

Sirius hadn't thought about that. 'I'll find a way.'

'Maybe you and Peter could come over to my house during the summer and we'll drink the potions there. There's a wood nearby, so no one will see us. I mean, it's almost end of the year, we're not going to be able to do it here.'

Sirius nodded. 'We cannot tell Remus about it, or he'll feel left out.'

'Why not? He could come along with us and see our animaguses?'

'I want it to be a surprise for him', Sirius said sincerely. 'Imagine Rey's face if we all transform in front of him..'

'Unless you turn into a rabbit', James sniggered.

Sirius threw the fluxweed he was supposed to handle with care in James' face. Professor Sprout gave him a detention for it, while shouting at him about how it was not acceptable to do such childish things as throwing plants, especially not with a plant as delicate as fluxweed.

James stuck his tongue out at him.

During lunch, Sirius wanted to inform Peter about their plan to become animagi, but with Remus there, he couldn't talk about it. James rambled on about the last Quidditch game of the year - Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw - and how many points each house had to make and more importantly, how many they better not make so Gryffindor could win the House Cup. Remus nodded at him but Sirius knew he wasn't listening. Remus wasn't interested in Quidditch, probably the only guy at school who wasn't. Sirius, who was seated next to him, tilted his body sideways and looked at him. He could stare at him forever. There was just so much to discover about Remus Lupin. He had looked many, many, times at him for the past few months but it seemed every time he discovered something new - a scar he hadn't seen before, a mole, the changing colour of his eyes.. It made him mature, even though he was 14, nearly 15. Sirius felt sad that he had to miss Remus' presence during the summer, now that he had finally opened up to him about his feelings towards him.

Remus turned around and saw Sirius staring at him with an enamoured look in his eyes. He sighed. He didn't think he'd ever get used to those grey eyes. Before, grey had seemed a depressing, gloomy and boring colour (maybe also because it was one of Slytherin's colours, he realised), but when he had met Sirius, grey had gotten a whole new meaning. Sirius took his hand under the table.

James was looking between the two, and said slightly annoyed, 'All right guys, one, we're eating, two, if you're bored with my Quidditch talk you can just say it, and three, I thought you didn't want to tell other people about you being together? Even a blind man could see you two gaping at each other.' Peter laughed at the joke.

Sirius turned his head towards James, breaking the stare down with Remus, but still holding his hand. 'I know, mate, I was just thinking about the year being almost over, which means I won't see you guys much during the summer, including my Moony.'

Remus still felt uneasy about Sirius talking about this openly, in the Great Hall, where people could overhear him. Or how he was holding his hand under the table, even though it made his heart beat faster. He'd really wanted to come out in the open about Sirius' being his boyfriend, but he was afraid of the reactions. Especially from the Slytherins. They were already particularly mean to Sirius for being in Gryffindor instead of their house, he could imagine they would taunt him and Remus for eternity if they found out they were together. He really wanted to be brave - hell, he was in Gryffindor, of course he could be brave - but it would be next year. Then Sirius could scream it from the top of lungs off the Gryffindor table, as Remus suspected he would love to do. And then he would simply smile, look at the Slytherins and move on with his life. It just took a little bit of courage.

'Yes.. Are you guys nervous for the final exams?' Peter spoke up. The quiver in his voice revealed that he was.

'Nah', was all Sirius replied. Remus rolled his eyes. He wondered if Sirius had even opened his textbooks this year. 'We'll all be fine, Pete', he reassured him. He knew Peter was anxious about a lot of things, including his grades.

'Yeah, we'll pass everything with ease, we've been all year', James said to him.

Peter nodded and muttered 'yeah, true..' more to himself than to the other boys.

That night, Remus was going to turn into a werewolf so he left for the Shrieking Shack. Sirius took this to his advantage and motioned James and Peter downstairs to the common room. It was late, so it was deserted.

'All right, let's start! I'm trying not to shout but I'm so excited!' Sirius said, grinning. 'Wait, you want to put that thing in now?' James said, looking at the mandrake leaves Sirius had revealed from his pockets.

'Yeah, when else? Why wait any longer? What do you think Peter?'

'I don't know.. We could just do it, James. Or do you want to do it next year after the summer? It'll give Remus even more transformations on his own.'

Sirius clapped Peter on the back. 'Never have wiser words left your mouth, Pettigrew.' 

'All right all right! So, where do we put this? Under our tongue, right?'

'I think so', Sirius said, biting his lip, giving out the mandrake leaves to the boys. 'I already checked, one month from now its the 23th. It has to be in our mouth from this full moon to the next full moon.'

He tried to make a toast with the leaf, touching the others, and was the first to put it in his mouth. He used his fingers to adjust it under his tongue. It didn't taste as bad as he had imagined it would be, but it wasn't really pleasant either. 

'Can you still talk?' James asked eagerly, looking at Sirius with wide eyes.

'Yeah, it's all right I suppose..' The other two sighed in relief. Sirius was glad he sounded normal too, because otherwise they'd have to be silent for a whole month and it'd raise suspicion. 'If you just don't open your mouth too far, the leaf will stay in place and you can normally talk.'

James and Peter both put it into their mouths as well. Peter looked disgusted. 'Eww, dat's grosb', he said.

'It's not too bad', James said. Then he grinned. 'We're idiots.'

'We are!' Sirius said proudly. 'All right, don't mention it to Rey, and let's just go to sleep right now. I can't wait for next month!' And they all ran up the stairs.