Wolfstar

11) the feeling

'You went on without me?' Peter said sadly that morning. They were eating breakfast in the Great Hall.

'I'm sorry Peter, but you were so deep asleep and we really needed to go. But we have all the stuff. It was a piece of cake. If we ever need something from that storeroom again, I'll get it myself.'

'Are you really going on with this insane plan then, Sirius?' Remus turned towards him. Sirius saw a flicker of concern in his eyes. 'Don't you trust me?' he said.

'I do, Sirius, but you tend to be a little reckless sometimes and I think you underestimate this.'

'I don't! I have read a lot about it actually, I know the theory.'

'Sirius, you literally read two pages and copied the ingredients.'

'All right but I think I understand it well enough', Sirius said somewhat stubborn.

'All I'm saying is that you should probably read the theory thoroughly, so when you're done holding that damned leaf in your mouth you actually know what to do and you don't need to read it again and it's expired or something.' 

That made sense. Remus was right, of course. Sirius sighed. 'Why are you always right, Moony?'

'I know you. And I'm not always right. Well, with you.. Yeah, I guess you could say I am.' Remus smirked.

'Except that one time that-' and Sirius started going on about something last year happened but James wasn't listening anymore. He was grinning as their bantering went on and on. It reminded him of himself and Lily.

So later that day, true to Remus' word, Sirius read all he could about animagi. It was actually pretty interesting. The animal a person becomes strongly resembles their personality. One must therefore ask thyself what their greatest personality traits are. In that way it may become easier to release the animal within, because you connect with it.

Easy, he thought. I could list what I hear every few days. I'm reckless, arrogant, impulsive, playful.. But those were all somewhat negative, he thought. Surely he must name a few good personality traits as well. But none came to mind. All he could hear was his mother, shrieking at him. You're a disgrace to the family name, friends of muggles and half-bloods, you're no son of mine! He quickly pushed the thought out of his mind. It hurt too much to think about it. In a month time, he was requested to go back there. The thought made him sad. Maybe he was allowed to stay a week or so at James', or Remus'. That'd make his summer a lot better. He was lost in his thoughts when Remus walked into the common room. 'You're reading again?'

Sirius' head snapped up. He hadn't hear Remus walk in. He was carrying a lot of books, breathing heavily, because they were apparently heavy, his blonde curls falling in front of his face. 'I brought you some books about human transfiguration and animagi', he said and he put them in front of Sirius.

'Thanks a lot, Rey. This book said I should think about my personality traits, but I cannot think of any that are not.. negative.' Sirius said uneasily.

'What do you mean? You have a lot of good personality traits!' Remus sat down beside him. 'You're always happy, always goofing around, always making jokes and you're extremely loyal, you'd do anything for a person if you think it's worth it. You truly are a wonderful person, Sirius.' He looked into his eyes. He felt himself swallow because those grey eyes made him shiver again, the tickling feeling running through his whole body. Sirius' eyes were soft. Never had anyone said those words to him. All he heard was how much of a disappointment he was and until now, he had never realised how badly he needed to hear those kind words.

'Thank you, Rey' he said softly, still staring at him.

'Now, don't go get your head inflated with those nice words Sirius, you're already confident enough', Remus teased, because he didn't know what to do with the sudden situation of them staring into each other's eyes. He remembered the day at the lake when Peter asked him about Sirius, and he remembered thinking how his feelings towards Sirius had definitely changed. He couldn't deny it anymore. He liked Sirius, a lot. Maybe even loved him. Did that make him.. gay? He was so confused. Why were there no books about that subject? Be sure to find books going on and on about the properties of moonstone, but not sexual orientation.