BROKEN // JIKOOK

Chapter 6

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+BROKEN+

"The Sky Is Blue And The Sun Is Shining, So My Tears Are Even More Noticeable."

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-{Jimin}-

It was our 2 year anniversary that day, Jungkook. Did you forget? Yes. I tired to give out a lot of clues, hoping you'd maybe remember. I put it on our calendar. I don't know if you didn't care or if you really forgot.

That day I came across a box. That box in which contained all of our pictures and videos being happy. I stayed up all night smiling at those memories, they were the most precious things in my possession.

I took out our DVD and inserted it in my laptop. A smiled appeared on my face when the video started playing on the screen.

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After that video had ended, my smiles and cries muddled up into one big mess. I wished we still had these moments but instead they're lost behind a bright television screen.

I fell asleep for a few hours after watching and looking threw all those beautiful tapes and pictures until I had to go to the bathroom. As I washed my hands I looked up at the mirror. I felt weak and pained at the sight. 'Disgusting'. I thought. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. Would Jungkook have loved me if I was prettier? Thinner?

I opened the medicine drawer and searched hastily until finally, I found it. Without hesitation I bought the object close to my bare arm, slowly pressing it against the skin before slicing through. It gave me a feeling of relief as I continued to do it. 1 cut. 2 cuts. And more. Until my arms was covered in fresh scars and blood. What have I become because of you, Jungkook?

You turned every moment we spent together into painful memories. They're sharp, and cut right through me every time I think about them. Even the sweet good moments we had are now turned into a knife that kills my already broken heart. You pierced my soul; you made me skeptical about people and love. You turned me into this broken mess, and even if I won't see you again soon, your touch will be with me even in my grave. You ruined my confidence, and I remember every single word you said, I remember how you made me feel unique and special, but now it's all about me being a waste of space. Now the voice that puts me down inside it's not mine anymore, but your voice telling me again how I will never be enough for nothing.

I don't remember when this sorrow even started. First it was the physical contact, you stopped holding my hands as often when we walked outside, you stopped hugging me when I felt broken, you stopped kissing me good night while holding me close against your chest. Then it was your late night shifts. You would always come home later each day, drunken and crying. And then finally, the beatings, the bruises and the blood.

It became my turn to help you, to make sure your broken pieces were mended. My eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. Everything became fuzzy. I had to hold on to the toilet bowl in order to not fall on the floor.

I crashed on the couch, covering my wounds with my sleeves that caused me to flinch at the stinging feeling. My eyelids felt heavy and soon, I was fast asleep while clutching the solid wooden frame of us.

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-Ray.